Death By Sword
Somewhere in Osaka...
"See ya tomorrow Aski!!" said Kirigia.
"Huff" thought Kirigia. "I hate having to walk up this really big hill" he thought again. Soon he reached the top and he could see the sea from where he was."I wish I could escape from this world and go to another one." he says with a sigh. All of a sudden, a car comes round the bend and with a horrible sound crashes in to him. Then he floats in nothingness and then hears,"So Kirigia, what do you want to do?" Who is that? he wonders.
"I wanted to escape that world and go to another. Sooooooo, can I go to another world? Who ever you are?" asks Kirigia. "Yes I can grant that as your final request." Then he woke up in a wooden hut. "Where am I?" "Well you are in Kisho aren't you?" Kirigia looks up to see a old man sitting across from him. " What is Kisho?" " WHAT! You don't know what Kisho is?" the old man said with a dumbfounded look on his face. "Well if you really don't know then I guess I can tell you. Kisho is a magical land filled with wizards and witches and all that. They didn't start out as wizards or that first. They had to defeat a Cavern Boss to get a chance that you might be able to get one of the magical powers. And the caverns themselves are full of treasures beyond you're wildest dreams. That's why all the adventures are very rich.
" What are adventurers?" " They are people who venture into the caverns. Their equipment is high-class." explained the old man. "Oh, I never asked for you name." says Kirigia nervously. "Hahaha, don't worry about it,my name is Keiskue." says Keiskua. "Are you a blacksmith?" Kirigia guessed this because he could hear hammers hitting metal to be made into swords and tools for people to use.
"Yes I am, you must know your stuff to guess that!" says Keiskue with a big grin on his face.
I miss my boyfriend, thinks Kirigia. I wonder if they have terms lke gay or bi in this world? Kirigia again wonders to himself. "So then, would you like a sword? I could give you one for free." says Keiskue with excitement in his voice. " Of course I would like a sword!" says Kirigia with enthusiasm. Kirigia looks around until ge spots the one he wants. He chose a sword with a red ruby on the sheath. "Can I have that one?" he asks with hope. " Yes you can." says Keisuke. He then reaches up to grab the sword Kirigia wanted and gave it to him. " Thanks a lot!" says Kirigia. "I think I should give you tool as well" insists Keiskue. So Kirigia left with a sword, axe and 1000 Bushda(Bushda is the currency in that world.) and now are hero is on his way to a small Miners town Keisuke told him about called Ash-Hedai.
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Comments
BlueQube
Yee, I think that’s all I can critique at the moment. Anyways if you need any help developing this story, come to me for some advice or proofreading and i’ll be more than happy to help.
2020-02-28
0
BlueQube
PART 6
You should also explore these characters, what I mean is to, in-between all the major events and in the filler I suggest that you let the main character Kirigia get to know them better over a period of time like dedicating chapters to getting to know these characters better over the course of their adventures together in this story. One good example of a fan fiction i’ve been reading lately is My Huntsman Academia. They allow for the main character to grow as a person, to stop fully relying on others, start to stand on their own feet and become a leader his team needs him to be, he grows at a comfortably slow pace so that the reader can grow alongside them and they have chapters that allow for his friendships to grow with the rest of the cast. Also allows for a chance to spark a relationship between characters. This therefore lets the reader learn about the other characters and make it so that they are recognisable characters of the story that they can grow to be fans of, instead of being forgettable cardboard cutouts of characters to fill in just because “oH tHeY’rE jUsT tHeRe FoR a CrAcK”
2020-02-28
0
BlueQube
PART 5
Now characters, this is more advice than anything else and some of this is advice i’ll be laying out for you now is more my way of doing it. Watch out for this, because while it looks simple on the surface, it’s more complicated than one would think as it’s creating a believable character with either a boring, interesting, funny, depressing etc backstory and/or personality. They should have a useful role to play in the story, also need to think about how they would push the plot forward and synergise with the main character.
2020-02-28
0