•°DORK DIARIES °•
SATURDAY, AUGUST 31
Sometimes I wonder if my mom is BRAIN DEAD. Then there are days when Iknow she is.
Like today.The drama started this morning when I casually asked if she would buy me oneof those cool new iPhones that do almost everything. I considered it a necessityof life, second only to maybe oxygen.
What better way to clinch a spot in the CCP (Cute, Cool & Popular) group at
my new private school, Westchester Country Day, than by dazzling them with a wicked new cell.
Last year, it seemed like I was the ONLY student in my ENTIRE middle school
who didn’t have one☹ . So I bought an older, used phone supercheap on eBay.
It was bigger than what I wanted, but I figured I couldn’t go wrong for the
clearance price of only $12.99.
I put my telephone in my locker and spread the word that everyone could now call me with all the JUICY gossip on my NEW telephone! Then I counted down the minutes before my social life started heating up.
I got really nervous when two of the CCP girls came walking down the hall in
my direction chatting on their cell phones.
They came right over to my locker and started acting superfriendly. Then they
invited me to sit with them at lunch and I was like, “Umm…okay.” But deep
down inside I was jumping up and down and doing my Snoopy “happy dance.”
Then things got really strange. They said they had heard about my new $600
Juicy Couture designer cell phone and that everyone (meaning the rest of the
CCP crew) couldn’t wait to see it.
I was about to explain that I had said “juicy gossip on my new phone” NOT
“new gossip on my Juicy phone,” but I never got a chance because,
unfortunately, my telephone starting ringing. Very abnormally loudly. I was
trying my best to ignore it, but both of the CCP girls were staring at me like,
“Well, aren’t you going to answer it?!”
Obviously, I didn’t want to answer it because I had a really bad feeling they
were going to be a little disappointed when they actually saw my phone.
So I just stood there praying that it would stop ringing, but it didn’t. And pretty soon, everyone in the hallway was staring at me too.
Finally, I gave in, snatched open my locker, and answered the phone. Mainly to stop that AWFULringing.
I was like, “Hello?
Umm…sorry. Wrong number.”
And when I turned around, both of the CCP girls were running down the hall
screaming, “Make it go away! Make it go away!” I guessed it probably meant
they DIDN’T want me to sit with them at lunch anymore, which really sucked.
The most important lesson I learned last year was that having a CRUDDY
phone—or NONE at all—can totally RUIN your social life. While hordes of
celebrity party girls regularly FORGET to wear undies, not a single one would
be caught dead without her cell phone. Which was why I was nagging my mom
about buying me an iPhone.
I’ve tried saving up my own money to buy one, but it was impossible to do.
Mainly because I’m an artist and TOTALLY ADDICTED to drawing!
Like, if I don’t do it every day, I’ll go NUTZ!
I spend ALL of my cash on sketchbooks, pencils, pens, art camp, and other
stuff. Hey, I’m so BROKE, I have a milkshake on layaway at McDonald’s!
Anyway, when mom came home from the mall with a special back-to-school
present for me, I was pretty sure I knew what it was.
She rambled on and on about how my attending a new private school was
going to be a “stressful time of tremendous personal growth” and how my best
“coping mechanism” would be to “communicate” my “thoughts and feelings.”
I was absolutely
ECSTATIC
because you can communicate with a
NEW CELL PHONE!
Right?!🙂
I kind of zoned out on most of what my mom was saying because I was
DAYDREAMING about all of the cool ring tones, music, and movies I was
going to download. It was going to be LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!
But after my mom finally finished her little speech, she smiled really big,
hugged me, and handed me a BOOK.
I opened it and FRANTICALLY flipped through the pages, figuring that maybe
she had hidden my new cell phone inside.
It made perfect sense at the time because all the advertisements said it was the thinnest model on the market.
But slowly it dawned on me that my mom had NOT gotten me a cell phone, and my so-called present was just a stupid little book!☹
Talk about major HEARTBREAK!
Then I noticed that ALLthe pages of the book were BLANK.
I was like, OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T!
My mom had given me two things: a DIARY and irrefutable evidence she IS, in fact,
CLINICALLYBRAIN DEAD!!
Absolutely no one writes their most intimate feelings and deep, dark secrets in a diary anymore! WHY?!
Because just one or two people knowing all your BIZ could completely ruin
your reputation.
You’re supposed to post this kind of juicy stuff online in your BLOG so
MILLIONS can read it!!!
Only a TOTALDORK would be caught WRITING in a DIARY!!
This is THE worst present I have ever received in my entire life! I wanted to
yell at the top of my lungs:
“Mom, I don’t need a STUPID book with 288 BLANK pages!!”
What I NEED is to be able to “communicate” my “thoughts and feelings” to my friends using my very own cell phone.
Wait! Silly me. I keep forgetting. I don’t have any friends. YET. But that could
change overnight, and I need to be prepared. With a shiny, new cell!
In the meantime, I will NOT write in this diary again.
_______________________________________
Hai.....
the story by Rachel Renée Russel
credit goes to: RACHEL RENÉE RUSSELL
the image used in this ....credit goes to the real owner
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Updated 3 Episodes
Comments
Cindy Mitchel
It's good
2026-04-17
0
silm
This is actually well done
2024-02-07
0