Chapter 1

The vast imagination of a person could create different dimensions. The fear and failures existing in life could create a massive explosion of emotions. Some people chose to hide inside what wasn’t visible to the naked eye. The bitterness of the past could trap someone behind walls and behind the shadows of everyone. Nobody knew what was happening behind the closed doors; from the silent cry and silent suffering due to the attack of sharp words from someone close or worse from a complete stranger. Faking a smile was much better; nobody would dare to question what was really happening deep down inside. Smile, just smile. Try to tell people how you feel inside; let out all your emotions and they would just end up judging you. “You’re over the top” they would say. Making everyone happy was an understatement; you were making them happy, but nobody ever dared to make you happy. They would pull you down when you were already feeling down; they would laugh at your appearance, but nobody would dare to laugh when you cracked a joke. Instead of making a plan with a group during a school project, you always plan for an escape. The atmosphere of being in a group, being in a crowd, brought chaos inside your head and you decided to shut the camaraderie they offered. You knew it was all just for a show because of your intelligence.

Acceptance is the only thing which Andy Spencer wants in his life. In his 28 years of existence, he had been through a lot of difficulties. Was life being unfair to him? He felt different from the rest. Most people had said unkind words to him like weird, freak, strange, and that his behavior was unusual. The list of accusations and speculations about him goes on. Andy was always caught off guard, unknowingly what to do or how to defend himself. Every time he managed to speak out, they would always brush him off. “Don’t dare lecture me, loser!” Those words revolved inside Andy’s head just like a planet revolving around the sun. The world is a beautiful place to live in but Andy was surrounded by monsters in human form.

“Sunset… Sunrise… Could you describe their colors? Could you explain the difference between the two?” Andy could still remember his request to his dear mother when he was just a kid. “Are you sure you’ll be fine son?” asked his mother who was obviously worried about him. He continued to pack his things and he took out his journal from the drawer of his study table. “I’ll be fine Mum. I appreciate that you’re worried about me but I’m already 28, I can manage myself.” He reached out to her for a hug and he kissed her forehead. Andy was the only one left with his parents when his older sister decided to settle down in Switzerland to be united with her Swiss husband. “I can’t believe that you still remember your request to me when you were just 6 years old. We always watch the sunrise and sunset since then but do you really want to do this?” tears were forming in his mother’s eyes. “Yes, I really want to do this. I may just end up regretting it if I'm still going to hold back.” Andy got so distracted packing his stuff that he didn’t notice his mother’s silent cry. “Mum? Are you crying?” he came closer to her, who was about to walk out of his room. “No, I’m not,” she lied while trying to hold back her tears.

“Mum, don’t lie to me. Amanda will pick me up at the airport. I assure you, I’ll be fine.” Her silence made Andy’s heart a bit sad. She knew how Andy struggled since he was a kid and she just couldn’t believe that he decided to travel alone for the first time.

“I have an idea, Andy.” The eagerness of his mother never fails to amuse him. She would always come up with something whenever he decides to jump out of his comfort zone.

“What is it?” Andy asked.

“Why don’t you ask Sebastian to go with you? He likes traveling and maybe he would agree to come with you. What do you think?”

“Oh, NO! Not Sebastian. That lad is as busy as the ants and we will have an expansion in England soon. He won’t agree with it when their business is at stake.”

“Have you tried asking him though?” Emilia was persistent.

“I know my best friend, Mum. I don’t have to ask him when I already know what his answer would be. Besides, Mr. Douglas just woke up from being comatose. I don’t really think that Sebastian will take a break this time.” She let out a heavy sigh and hugged him the way she used to hug him whenever he was scared.

“Alright, you win this time! I hope Mr. Douglas will be able to fully recover soon. Just don’t forget to give me an update. Let me know when you arrive and when you're already with your sister. Be careful, son.” Emilia smiled as she caressed Andy's face.

“No worries, I’ll give you an update whenever I can. Amanda had been nagging me. She kept on saying that she’s excited to see me.”

“Ha! You know how your sister is. She’s quite a nagger and sometimes cranky but she’s really thoughtful. Just be patient with her.”

“I will, Mum. I love you both.”

Andy was able to press the button to soften his mother’s heart. He felt his mum’s love and support through the tenderness of her warm embrace. “I can’t believe you’re leaving us now, son.” Andy’s mum sobbed while handing him a knitted scarf. “Here, take this. I made it when I found out about your plan,” she said. “Mum, is this the reason why you’ve been sleeping late?” Andy asked with a long face. “Aren’t you happy about it? Is it the color? I checked the weather forecast. It’s going to be cold in Switzerland when you arrive.”

“I like it but you don’t really have to make this for me. I don’t like it when you’re lacking sleep because of me,” Andy answered. “I’ll do anything for you and you know that,” Emilia assured, looking at Andy in tears.

“I know Mum and I really appreciate it, thank you so much! Will you please stop crying now? I’m coming back soon,” Andy said, comforting his mum.

“I’m not used to it, Andy. You’re going out of your comfort zone for the first time and it scares me. The world out there is different, you might get lost. People might take advantage of your kindness again. Remember what happened to you when you were still in middle school?”

Andy stopped packing his clothes and he suddenly sat on his bed. He rubbed the temple of his head while saying, “How can I forget? But I want to move forward now; I want to go on with my life. I want to let go of the past. All my life I had been hiding, I had been stuck inside the dark box. I’m also scared, to be honest but nothing will happen if I just keep on dwelling on it. My past is full of darkness and fears. I’ve seen a little light of hope this time and I want to grab it. Besides, I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Alright, I understand. You’re right, son, you’ve been hiding since you were a kid. I can’t believe you’ve pressed into maturity now. It pains my heart to see you go but if it will help you gain your self-esteem, I will support you. Can I give you a hug again before you go?” She asked while reaching out to Andy. He nodded and came closer to Emilia. She wrapped him in her arms tightly. “I will miss you!” he said. “I will miss you more, son. Now, finish your packing before your father comes to pick you up,” she answered in relief.

“Alright. I got to go,” Andy replied. A whirlwind of emotion struck her, worried of what might happen to Andy while he was out in the world, alone, with no one around him to help him if something happened.

Andy arrived at the airport an hour before his flight schedule. His Dad came closer to him, wrapping him in his arms. Andy looked at him in surprise when his embrace got a little tighter. “Dad, you’re suffocating me,” Andy complained while trying to remove his Dad’s arms. “Oh, please forgive this old man. I just couldn’t bear seeing you like this. You’re really an adult now, Andy,” he said with teary eyes.

“Oh come on! It’s not like I’m going on the other side of the world.”

“Well, this is the first time that you’ll be away for too long. Also, the fact that you’re traveling alone, it’s like a pill I couldn’t swallow properly,” his Dad replied. He looked at Andy anxiously, still trying to figure out why he decided to leave but he couldn’t read his mind.

“You’re just like, Mum. No wonder, you’re both madly in love with each other. Your way of thinking is always synchronized in a way I couldn’t describe.” Andy stared at his Dad’s face, he studied it closely and noticed the wrinkles on his forehead as he frowned.

“Well, what can I say? You’re our only son. We’re trying our best to keep our sanity under control,” Jon took out a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his eyes. “I hope you’ll be fine, I really hope that. Give me a call or just let your Mum know that you’re safe. As long as you’re safe, son. We can die peacefully.”

“Please, don’t say that. I’ll be fine, Dad. I’ve planned this for so long and I really want to do this. I’ll be back after a month,” Andy replied while giving his Dad a quick embrace.

“Promise me you’ll come back alive?”

“Of course I will!  I got to go. I’ll give you updates when I arrive there.”

“Alright. I may not say this more often but please always remember that we love you so much.”

“I love you too, Dad. Mum too.”

Jon wiped his tears and sighed when Andy left. He couldn’t accept that Andy made a decision without discussing it with them for the first time. Andy used to ask their opinion when it comes to decision making. Somehow, at some point, he felt a bit of relief seeing Andy taking one step at a time in adulthood. Andy looked back and waved goodbye to his Dad, keeping his tears from falling, doing his best to hide his emotions. But Andy was actually scared.

He was on the verge of crying when he went inside the toilet. When he splashed water into his face, he felt the freezing water. Heavy breathing, cold sweats, and numbed hands; anxiety attack made Andy doubt himself if he could really travel alone. He composed himself and went to the check-in counter but his vision started to blur when he caught sight of the crowd inside the airport. The chattering voices of people made Andy subconsciously drop his backpack on the floor then someone suddenly picks it up for him.

“Here, you dropped this,” a worried voice said. Andy saw a figure handing the backpack to him.

“Huh?” Andy answered, his vision’s still blurry, seeing only black and white. “Are you alright? You look pale. I think you should take a seat first. Come with me, I’ll take you to the nearest waiting area.” She guided Andy into the nearest seat so he could recover from the overwhelming feeling of being surrounded by the crowd. After drinking a bottle of water, Andy looked at her and said, “I hate crowds, I don’t like being surrounded by too many people. I always panic and sometimes, when it gets too much, I pass out too.”

“I didn’t ask but thank you for telling me. It must be hard dealing with that all the time,” she answered while looking at Andy.

“Indeed it is and I should be the one thanking you. Thank you for helping me when nobody did,” he said.

“No problem. I’m sure other people will do the same. I was nearby when you suddenly dropped your backpack. I’m just wondering if you are traveling alone?” she asked out of curiosity.

“Maybe, are you?” Andy answered with a bit of hesitation.

“Yes, I am. I’m actually going to Switzerland to meet my Mum,” she ecstatically shared. Andy looked at her in surprise. “Oh. Why did you tell me? You shouldn’t tell people you’re traveling alone for your safety.”

“You also did though. Based on your aura and style, I’m quite confident you’re alone ,” she protested, staring at Andy with her eyes full of judgement.

“I said maybe. It’s quite an unclear answer rather than a yes or a no. You even said that you’re going to Switzerland to meet your mum. What if I’m a bad guy?” Andy said, stating the facts.

“Well, if you’re a bad guy, at least, I still helped you. You should be grateful!"

“That’s a good point. But please, don’t give out too much information to someone you barely know or even to strangers. You could save yourself from any harm.”

“Sure, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well, I’m going now. Thanks again for your help.”

“Wait, what’s your name? I’m...

“No, please. Don’t tell me your name. It’s much better that we don’t know each other’s name. ‘Till next time.”

“Hey! Wait!! I need to know your name! Right, I’ll just call you... Red, yes! Red guy since you’re wearing a red shirt.”

Andy left without looking back, ignoring her words. He left her with a cloud of confusion as to why he doesn’t want to tell her his name. “You start to care the moment you know someone’s name. I hope I’m doing the right thing.”

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