under that smile

Saturday morning...

she wakes up smiling and it's clear that she really likes jason and she is excited to see him but at the same time she looks around house and sees how she lives and thinks he'll never love her so she will never show him or let him know how she lives

*notification on her phone *

" goodmorning are you still coming?"

she replies to jason and they decide on a time and place to meet up. She gets ready but shes too excited to eat anything so she goes to meet him..

she sees him and immediately she smiles and her heart beats faster and faster as she gets close to him he smiles and hugs her nd she melts in his caring and strong arms ...

they talk while they go to his friends house and they get there ...he suddenly stops looks at her and smiles and takes her hand nd they walk in ....

in all this shes flustered and nervous

his friends greet them both and they sit and music is playing while they play video games and everyone is talking and having a good time.She knows the words to the songs they playing because she listens to the same artist and rap music she knows that singing and rapping along with it will make them look at her and think wow because she knows that same taste in music is something people like.

she raps in the middle of the song "...I've been running through the streets all alone I'm on my own everybody call on me but i have no one to call on when everybody doubted me, no i ain't say nothing i just proved them wrong had to leave my friends because they were doing me wrong had to cut my family off because i don't know what they on...i guess thats why i don't trust nobodyi don't want to get high don't want to roll with nobody... i ain't go to college made it out the projects "

jasons friend Keanu looks at them both while they're whispering in each others ears and says loudly "so are the two of you dating or just way too close for friends?"

caythline smiles and think

*his answer will tell me how he feels*

jason looks at her smiles then looks at his friend and says " ofcourse we're dating "

caythline blushes and smiles while keanu congratulates them and she tells them more about her and they do the same ... she becomes comfortable she evem plays video games with them but even though she is losing they comfort her and help her .

it becomes dark and she remembers her mom said before six she needs to be home she tells jason she needs to go home they greet his friends and leave

jason asks her while they are halfway to her house "so what do you think of those dogs"

she is confused and asks him

"what dogs ...do you mean your friends?"

he says yes and they both laugh and she tells him about how much she enjoyed today and being around his friends and seeing him with his friends.

she stops him at there spot and smiles while looking at him and says while going on her tippy toes and kisses him " goodnight jason "

she turns and runs off he goes after her and hugs her and says nighy and goes on his way as she walks home she is so happy and cheerful...

she is singing and dancing and shes so upbeat.

she gets home and all the happiness disappears and becomes depression...her mom asks where she was and she lies because her mom is really strict and doesn't allow her to focus on anything but school even though her mom never helped her.

She doesn't answer and her mom rushes up to her and smacks her and says "I'll ask you one more time where were you?"

with tears in her eyes she says .

" my friend in my class i took her some of my books then i did my homework for the next week because she'll have my book all weekend "

her mom walks off and sits on a chair while smoking and watched tv ...

caythline then lays on her bed and cries silently into a void she can't bare to think of jason because her depression comes over her ....

she lays in bed for the rest of the weekend she doesn't eat nore does she sleep she just lays there nd screams into the void nd as her silent screams eats her up from the inside out she contemplates suicide even more .

her little slice of happiness or her other life with him is not enough to heal her broken soul.

without even realizing it she is slowly falling for him in a short while because his words are like honey tea to her sore throat ...his lips are like the drug she became unknowingly addicted to ...his eyes are a doorway to a better place where her heart can roam freely .

monday morning

time for school she gets up nd trys to pull herself together and not carry her sadness on her face but she gets to school and there he is she immediately forgets about her problems nd depression nd has a genuine smile on her face she hugs him so tight nd long it becomes awkward because in his arms she feels safe and loved ... she whispers to him "don't ever let me go" he smiles and they walk to the stairs to sit and talk before school starts ...he talks about the soccer game he watched the day before and then she starts to space out he asks if shes okay but she nods and smiles .

the school bell rings and everyone needs to go to there class while she was a mid junior he was a senior on school doing his last year nd she was doing her second year.

she thinks all day about his captivating smile that shines so bright it makes the sun , moon and all the stars turn jealous ...his beautiful thick eyebrows that is one of her favorite things about him she think about every part of him and dazed off ...

her teacher yells at her and she comes out her sir tells her that she's always focused and always answers questions .

he asks her for homework and she takes it out he says even tho she wasn't focusing today her homework for the next week and half is done and he is impressed but he scolds her and says to come talk to him after school nd she remembers she always walks with jason home and she asks if she can come at break time nd he says yes ...

she goes to her sir and he says that her grades are really high but it seems that its only high because she is pressured to do good and sometimes he can see her swollen eyes like she's been crying and how sometimes for glimpses of moments he sees such a lonely and sad look on her face like shes lost and forced as if she's been trapped and taken to another place .

she smile and says " sometimes i just get overwhelmed with always being the top student i can't do anything i really want or anything people my age do ...I'm expected to be perfect and help my family even tho i raised myself I've been my own rock I've been the one helping myself with everything because i basically raised myself and I've never needed help with school i even taught myself to read and write and I'm the one putting pressure on myself"

her is shocked nd excuses her she goes and sits somewhere reading a book but just as she open the book she begins to cry and she can't stop she hears someone approaching from behind amd she wipes her tears off fast nd sees it the girls that always bully her nd take her money and food...even tho she doesn't mind because she anyways doesn't eat anything or buy anything.

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