Doubt with emotions

I am Dijah highschool student and teenager, I wake up everyday to go to school just like any of you. The school where I go is kind of special only for geniuses who are ambitious and one day they can make it big.

As a teenager I always had a dream where I could fall in love, lay down in green grasses with my loved one and go for ice creamies without thinking about anything else. I was not looking for platonic, playful or puppy love I was looking for the real thing.

If love is equal and universal why is it the most difficult thing to find?. Early morning go to school for my classes which are always mathematics, computer science and music, but of all subjects I always loved music classes because it's where I could be myself without being shy then I would go straight home.

At home am the first child with two sisters and one brother that being the case my parents always made sure that I have to act accordingly for my young siblings to follow, everything I do it was just not me but for the whole family, it started to become exhausting having big responsibility on your shoulder while your aslo a teenager yet you just want to enjoy your self which is not possible.

At home other than going lock myself in my room our parents where not really on good terms fighting all the time so life somehow start to fall apart. Then later one morning our mum left so it was just us and my siblings plus dad.As everything started to revolve around things started getting more complicated as in my father comes from a family where he was born one having step sisters and step brothers, they never liked him because he was smart which made us also being hated.

Among all of them our dad was the most successful and also having smart kids us. So they decided to do everything they can so that they can destroy him as always me also I focusing on my studies to become better so that I can help my dad. What didn't know that the hatred from other family members had started to grow to the extent of hating us kids plus everything we did it was so tormenting and painful experience but that was just the beginning.

I started to ask myself what can I do being a kid defenseless no wings to fly you just have to endure everything but our dad was also doing his best to protect us and always making sure we safe and sound. It was one day, me my dad and my young siblings we were watching football and then had a knock on the door so dad stood up to go and check who was knocking, we jus saw two gunned men standing aiming at us I was scared but then I didn't want to scare the young ones I made myself strong. The men broke inside held my dad started hitting him on head and shot him one bullet in the stomach we saw our dad crying yearning in agony of pain but there was thing we could do, my fits just froze then thought of some thing told my younger brother to run and ask for help to see if they can save dad.

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