Chapter 3: Friends?

As it seems, I haven’t introduced myself

properly yet. Well, my name is Abe Shimura, I am 27 years old, single, working

as a freelance data analyst. Although I am pretty successful, I am not happy.

I suffer from insomnia and depression. Do you ever feel blank? Like a feeling

of void within you? When you feel emotionally tired? When each and everything

feels like a drag, a waste of time and energy? You feel like holing up and

never get out. You don’t meet with anyone, you don’t talk with anyone, you

don’t even feel lonely anymore, you feel empty and just purposeless. That’s how

I have been feeling for the last 9 years, to be precise, after my school life

ended. Why this happened I don’t know, and to add to my problems, for the last few

weeks I am having weird dreams, messing up whatever sleep I am left with. Back

to the present, I am walking towards my friend Yamato’s house, it's almost 7. I

don’t know why I am going though, I never felt like going before, but that

dream last night, do dreams even get this Vivid?

Anyway, I ringed the bell, the door was

opened by Yamato, Yamato Takahashi my classmate, one of the few friends I

am still left with. He is a successful and bestselling author of our country.

“You really came huh”

“Well, I did tell you that I will, didn’t

I?”

“Yeah, you did, and that honestly

surprised me quite a bit, after school ended you suddenly stopped coming to

most of our meetups.”

“Never mind that, I am here now, aren’t

I?”

“And I am happy for it”

“WHOA, YOU ARE HERE”, said a really

surprised Akira, “Finally, how many days have it been?”

“Quite some time”

Akira Inoue, my 2nd friend, a

successful man in restaurant business.“Anyway, you guys going to let me in?”

“Sorry, our bad come in.”

I went in with the two and sat down in the

living room,

“Akira is going to stay tonight; will you

stay too?”

“Nah can’t, got work tomorrow, maybe on a

weekend”

“It’s alright, at least you are here now.”

“Yeah, sorry”

Yamato stood up and went towards kitchen,

probably to bring food and drinks

“So, what’s up with you nowadays? You

alright? Getting enough sleep?” asked Akira.

“Yeah, I am holding up, as of sleep, I am

still an insomniac and recently though….”

“Recently what?”

“Nah, nothing “

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah”

“Well, you still play games?”

“Nah, not anymore”

“Not enough time?”

“Not that, I don’t feel like it anymore”

“How surprising, back in the days you were

an avid gamer, it really sounds weird that you lost the feel for it”

“Hmm, I know”

“What are you guys talking about?” asked

Yamato, he came back with a huge tray of food and drinks, “Am I missing out on something?”

“Nah, I was just asking Shimura if he is

still into gaming”

“Oh, I guess he is not”

“You knew?”

“Nah, just guessed, I mean he changed

quite a lot, he is not what he used to be, am I wrong Shi?”

Its true I changed a lot, I don’t know why

though, I don’t know if the change was called for, but whatever, perhaps I

didn’t care anymore.

“No, you are not wrong, I did change”

“Anyway, want to watch a movie? I have an

excellent one that I was saving up for you guys”, said Yamato

“You are still a movie maniac, aren’t

you?”

“I always will be”

“Right”

After that we watched a movie and talked

for quite some time, it was really nostalgic for us, even for me, it’s been a

long time that I felt this way. Time passed,

“This brings back a lot of memories you

know”, said Yamato

“Right, back in the days when we 3 used to

spend times together”, said Akira

“Yeah, so nostalgic” I remarked.

“Hey, remember the first time Shimura got

drunk?”, asked Akira

“Of course, I do, who will forget that”,

said Yamato

“Come on guys, really?”

“Ehhh? Shi are you embarrassed?”

“Of course, I acted like such an idiot”

“But still, those were the times, good

times”

“Right”

“And you were honest with yourself back

then”

“Eh? What do you mean?”

“Nothing, anyway it’s getting late, Shimura

you should get going, or you will miss the train.”

“Oh, you are right, I should get going”

I got ready to leave after quite a long time,

today I feel peaceful, it was good to meet and talk with the guys.

“Alright, I will be leaving”

“Hey Shi”, I was stopped by Yamato,” Let’s

do this again sometimes, ok?”

“Ok”, I smiled, after a long time.

I reached the station and got in a train,

as I sat down, I remembered Akira’s words. I am not honest to myself. Is this

what is wrong with me? What am I not honest about? I had so many questions, but

almost no answer

As I reached home, I took a bath and got

changed, I wasn’t feeling hungry, so I decided to sleep. I searched for my

Sleeping pills, and sat on the couch. Taking my phone, I opened a picture of us

– me, Akira and Yamato.

“Being Honest with myself, eh…”

At that moment, he appeared again.

“Hello friend”

“WHAT??? HIRUKO???”

“Nice to meet you again”

“So, it wasn’t a dream?”

“I told you right, we were down your

memory lane, back in your past”

“But…this…. Makes no sense”

“Not everything does and not everything

has to, anyway let’s continue, shall we?”

“What do you mean?”

The boy once again kept his hand on my

shoulder and the world around me changed again, this time I was standing in my

school.

“Let’s continue our quest”

“Oh”

“You enjoyed your day, didn’t you?” asked

Hiruko

“What do you mean?”

“With your friends”

“Oh, yeah I did, with my friends”

“And how do you feel?”

“Happy, I guess”

“Hmm, and?”

“And?”

“(sighs), Right, at least you said you

were happy”

“I don’t get it”

“Doesn’t matter, let me show you

something”

“Ok, what are we going to watch today, are

we going to continue what we saw yesterday?”

“We will, but not now”

“Eh? Then?”

“Look you are here”

I saw my younger self walking on the

campus, with my store-bought lunch.

“Yes, what of it? Am I again going to meet

her, is that it?”

“No, this is before all that”

“What?”

“Just watch”

As I saw myself walking in the campus, I

saw 2 familiar faces coming from the opposite side, Haruto and Himeragi san.

They were holding hands and laughing, like a lovey-dovey couple.

“Why exactly are we watching this,

Hiruko?”, I asked in a cold voice

“Be patient, and watch”

I saw that Himeragi has noticed Shimura,

and so he. The three of us stood there in an awkward pause.

“Umm, Shi – chan”, Himeragi san broke the

silence

“AH, if it isn’t Haruto and Himeragi san,

ahhhh, flirting through the campus, don’t worry I won’t disturb you two,

enjoy”, laughed Shimura

“But….”,

“Sorry, please excuse me”, said Shimura

“I’ll be going”

Saying so, Shimura walked past them fast,

as Himeragi kept looking at him. Shimura went to his usual lunch spot, under a

tree behind the school. As I could see tears rolling down his cheeks. My heart

skipped a beat.

“Why Hiruko? Why must we watch this?”

“Why do you think you cried Shimura?”,

said Hiruko, totally ignoring my question.

“I don’t know, probably because I lost two

close friends, that’s why.”

“And what of your feelings for Himeragi?

Were you hurt that Haruto; your best friend started dating her? Is that why you

two stopped being friends any longer?”

“What? No, that wasn’t the case”

“Then”

“I don’t know”

“I see”

Even if I told this to Hiruko, I knew that

some part within me was sad that they did that, but it was true that stopping

being friends with them was an entirely different issue.

“Then why did you stop being friends with

them?”, asked Hiruko

“Because I realized, I was never their

close friends, I was never the part of the group”

As I said those words, I had a flashback

of a memory from my school life. I was sitting alone, Haruto, Himeragi and three

others from the group were chatting, I went on and asked them “Hey, what are

you guys talking about?”

“Sorry, we can’t reveal that”

“Ehh? Why? You guys are acting like this

for quite some time now.”

“It doesn’t matter, please leave us, it's

personal”

“That was rude”, I said, and was beginning

to leave. Then I heard whispers, from them,

“Say Ayane san, wasn’t that a bit too

harsh for you to say to him”, said Himeragi.

“Nah, he was never a part of our group, he

just tagged in with Haruto, and we kept him, he was alone anyway, it was a

kindness what we did to him”

“Yeah, why did you even date him, Himeragi?

Haruto was there even then, you know?”

I couldn’t hear anymore, I ran off. That

day I realized, how fake the word friends were, I knew I was meant to be alone.

I learnt a lot.

The flashback ended in my mind, when

Hiruko asked,” Even, so you thought that, you did find Akira and Yamato right?”

I was visibly surprised, “Wait, did you

just read my thought?”

“Even though you lost your expectation on

friendship, you still had those two, doesn’t that make you feel lucky?”

“Lucky?”

“Come on, Shi, you should be more honest

with yourself.”

What is being more Honest with oneself?

What am I missing? These thoughts make me uneasy. What happened to me? What

went wrong? As I went on my quest, more questions started coming in, will I

ever find their answers?

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