Confusion

What is this feeling? I look down at my feet. Large silhouetted figures loom over me, casting a shadow over my head. "Will you quit being so selfish?" One of them yells.

Suddenly it starts to rain. But why? Its summer and theres a roof over my head. I realize quickly it wasnt really raining. It was a bucket of water splashed onto my face, drenching my clothes and pride.

My body is warm, almost hot, enough to cook an egg. Is this what anger felt like? Its been too long since I felt like this. I touch my cheek and it dawns on me that im crying. Why? Long streams of liquid flow on my cheek, I dont want to be seen like this.

The figures bark out laughter as if I was performing a comdey show.

It made me feel pathetic.

One of the figures lean down and says "Your too kind, ill just take this, you wont mind of course." It wasnt a question.

A hand shot into my chest and roughly grabbed my heart. I choked out a scream, my knees about to buckle from its constant tremble. The hand retracted, pulling my heart with it. I stood devastated, why are they doing this? Surely they dont mean it, they'll give it back right?

Yes, they'll give it, but it would leave a mark, a stain, a cut, a bruise.

I could never tell them give it back, I refuse but their persistence is legendary. Am I wrong to feel trampled upon? But if I fight back then im too much, thats what they say anyway. But they are kind, caring and awesome, thats why I cant ever refuse them, but im tired of letting them taking my heart whenever they want. But im too much if I say no or defend myself.

I know this feeling now. Confusion. Then I do the most unexpected thing. I laugh. While the tears drizzle from my eyes my shoulders shake with laughter, my mouth confused whether to frown or smile and my head thrown back like i heard the most ridiculous thing ever.

The figures eyes bore into my face. Why are they looking? What do i do? Do I look weak? I dont want to be weak.

Then the figures burst out laughing with me too. The silhouetted figure has its hand outstretched, my heart beating rapidly in its grip. I reach out to retrive it and secure it back where it belongs.

They smile at me. Do they really not mean it? Their smiles gleam, sunkissed. All my sadness and anger seems irrelevant now.

Their smiles is what i treasure more, not my heart.

Still, why do i feel so goddamn inferior.

Note:

Not my usual trope but tryna get used to writing internal thoughts 🥱 Okay so they rnt allowing me to continue bc i got less than 500 words but i dont have anything more to write so while im writing this im getting closer so now cya. also give me suggestions on what to write 😼

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