chapter 1

Jungkook could feel the slight soggy texture of his long bang as it fell over his eyes in the pure darkness. Not bothering to push it off instantly, his shoulder shuddered uncontrollably over and over. It only calmed down a little when he tried to breathe properly, in and out in the air confined space. But then it was back again. It was so hard to breathe. Though, it wasn’t like the boy was trapped in such an uncomfortable space with no choice, heck, this was just a sheet of blanket that he could flip open easily.

Then again, his hands felt too weak to do so now, who cares about all the muscles he’s built over the years? They were worthless at this point, the tears that fell from his eyes stinged. He was in for so long that he couldn’t keep track of time, although it’s not like he ever did try to. In this state he didn’t care about anything else, he didn’t want to think about anything else. He could visual picture his own eyes that are now tainted in pinkish red as if bloodshot eyes from staying up weren’t enough to punish the actions he’d put on his body.

Nose swollen in a congeal texture compared to usual, and is probably in almost the same exact shade of his eyes, only his unfocused pupil and rings around it are to be disbarred from the pigmentation. Maybe even his lips, those used-to-be cherry red lips that are delightful as a view when he smiles are now in a dying rose color and dead skins peeling off here and there from dehydration, making him brush the two thin lines against each other continuously at the sensations of dried skin intersecting from time to time.

His throat felt like it could be as dry as his chapped lips, it was aching so much for fresh water as if there’s tiny unknown creatures down at his esophagus scratching endlessly at just one place. As he opened his mouth for hot warm air to breath out, the feeling of sticky saliva stretching out a string from the top row of his white shiny aligned teeths to the bottom row made his face scrunch in revolt. But it didn't stop him from running his tongue over it, wishing for the syrupy feeling to be gone soon as he swallowed.

He sniffs hard to get rid of the clogged jumble in his nose only to be meet with more discomfort in the back of his mouth. As much as it would’ve disgust him normally, now he doesn’t care, he wouldn’t. It wasn’t just the physical that hurt him, something inside hurt so much more that he couldn’t describe if he’d tried.

The tears that ran down from the side of one eye to his other eyes as he laid sideways was the only thing that he’d bother to clean.

He squeezes his eyes shut as tight as possible, to either make himself feel better about leaking more tears out or any other reasons that he couldn’t comprehend that may stand for this particular action, he didn’t know.

He used the rough fabric of his sleeve to swipe across in a horizontal line while pushing his brown highlighted bangs out of the way.

The rough texture had made his eyes want more attention as it itched, bringing Jungkook’s hands up again to rub at it. But this time he decides to use his palm directly for less pain, though it still hurt, he couldn’t stop. Rubbing his palm over the surface of his closed pink eyes in different pace each time. Speeding up when it tickled, and softened when it started to sting. The itchy-ness made it feel like an addiction. He wanted to stop though, he knew this wasn’t good. The exchange of swollen and ruined eyes versus a few second of freedom away from the itch didn’t seem much the worth.

Jungkook also thought it was funny how he could still be concerned about that type of stuff in this situation, almost making him smile with mockery at his pathetic self, almost.

He could’ve even dry laughed, but that won’t happen easily now as the only sounds that could be made are probably incoherent sobs he tried to conceal.

The warm air was getting too much, aside from his tears, the heat has already made Jungkook’s hair wet from humidity. Jungkook reaches one hand over while the other rested on his two eyes, blocking its vision. The cold air seeped in slowly and spread all over into Jungkook’s ‘safe-space’ along with the slightly dimmed light of the afternoon sun. It’s not as suffocating as it was now with air coming in, the chilly air had Jungkook shivering suddenly.

The air felt like teeny tiny snakes that crawled in smoothly, its scales left cool patches over its path that relieved Jungkook’s sense until it decided to bite down hard with the coldness piercing into him and that’s when it hits Jungkook’s nerve systems.

He immediately closes the little gap he’d opened only for just mere seconds. As hot air builds up again, he could feel his palate drying up with sore spots all around. Opening his mouth as it quivered slightly, Jungkook reaches his index finger in slowly and hits that one patch of swollen area which now felt like a wet piece of sponge with a layer of human meat texture mixed outside, and the sliminess of his spit adding on didn’t help much. After checking that in fact this is gonna be a pain later, he quickly takes the finger out of his mouth and in the littlest time wiped them against his white thick blanket roughly in disgust at himself.

His teeth unconsciously clenched together in a too tight for comfort way as he starts to grit them, feeling tears of anger streaming down. Only loosening up just a bit when his jaw felt like it was gonna break before his teeth even do.

Now biting down hard on his lips, his fingers swarmed around for something, anything to grab onto. Touching either the sheet or blanket, he doesn’t care, he held onto them hard. Most of his palms were covered by some kind of fabric expect little extents of it is left exposed for his nails to dig deeply into, leaving tiny curved marks that were too much of a bother for Jungkook to care at this moment.

____________________________________________Btw, I won't explain what situation made Jungkook cry because honestly, I do not know. Not because I didn't have anything idea of it, but because I guess I just wanted people to imagine for themselves. There's a lot of things that we don't know what makes a person sad, no matter what their status is.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***