I Cannot Win You

Today I felt I could die. Die once to make it all over. He said I had not won his heart in any of the single moment. I am at myy limit. I don't know what more I can do. OK I will try to conversate with my neighbors to make him at ease.

yes my neighbors he said I have take initiative to talk with them and be friendly to maintain the high society status.

Is all that necessary for me to settle in this family.

nevermind....

I will talk more and more so that he can feel relief. Just Ignore your jealousy over them. Ignore your own sentiments you are at your in laws just live the way you are not used to just live as if you are not living.

My dear note pad my friend am writing this to you there are many more to come and you will be the only one to listen.

aargh... am so bored writing all this in my personal diary. I should have shown some attitude to him.

How he can comment on my behaviour and just run away like this.

(flashbacks running in her head)

Aah.. I had only won him but not his heart. I will never be able to win him like this. This will only tear us apart from each other. I am in deep despair. The only person I can rely on in this house keeps moving away from. I feel like am the only one who feels likes this. I won't be able to change myself. I had changed hell out much more in me than he sees. I had turned the whole table out of me. Yet more to come.

Do I need to change something more in me. I feel like I should talk with Jane ( Reha's best friend who saved her) she will help handle my situation properly or will help me to get out of this marriage.

She is a beautiful woman with and some boyfriend who indeed is a police officer.

He cares so much about her. she would feel so lucky to have him.

Indeed my friend Jane is no less than him. Even my husband would go after her if he sees her.

( praising Jane and also angrily thinking about her cuckold husband who is not into adultery but her own unpleasant thoughts)

He said today in the morning before going to his work that I have no sense to speak. I say whatever the first thought comes in my mind.

whatever..

(Thinking unconsciously about her own attitude in the morning)

Had I said something wrong....How had I offended him. Should I had said nothing to him. I am sorry I had kept great expectations from him ever since we married.I'm a meaningless girl with no hope( in regard of her life ) to live. I suppose I am bound to live like this with no whereabouts why was I tried to killed and by who.

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