Blue Tater

Green's House, front yard

(Episode title appears on a manhole cover; Cricket and Tilly stand on the sidewalk with various chickens, Cricket holding one in one arm.)

Cricket: Okayokayokay, wait. One more time. All or nuthin'.

Tilly: If you say so, but my lucky coin always comes up heads.

(She flips a penny in the air.)

Cricket: Tails, tails, tails, tails, tails, tails!

(It lands heads up.)

Cricket: Heads again!?!

Tilly: It's just not your day, brother.

Cricket: (hands the chicken to her) Yeah, well, a bet's a bet.

(The chicken pokes his eye; a truck reading "Cuatro Leaf Clover" pulls up.)

Leprechaun Owner: Taco the mornin' to ya!

Cricket: (as the chickens run away) Wazza wazza whozat?

Leprechaun Owner: (throwing a pile of flyers) Come check out me lucky corn beef burritos, at today's Food Truck Round-Up!

(The truck drives away.)

Cricket: What the...? (a flyer lands in his face) Oof! (reads it) What kind of ice cream truck was that?

(Close-up on the flyer which reads:

Big City Food Truck Round-Up!

This is how we do food now!)

Tilly (OS): Cricket, that was a food truck.

Cricket: Food...truck? Ya mean...

Tilly: It's exactly what you think it is.

Cricket: (eyes dilate, smiling) Oh. My. Gravy!

Kitchen window

Bill: (hums, washes dishes)

Cricket: (pops in through the window) DadIhaveanidea!

Bill: (shrieks and drops a dish; reads flyer) Food trucks? Cricket, you just ate.

Cricket: Nooo! C'mere. (holds him by the shoulder) Think about it: (points to the garden) We got a garden full of plants, that's basically food. (points to the Kludge) And we got our truck, that's basically a truck! We should start a food truck!

Bill: I can't believe I'm sayin' this, but that's a great idea, son! Potatoes are in season. I could make french fries!

Cricket: (jumps off) I'm on it!

Bill: Heh heh heh... (hits his head on the window) Oof! Heeheehee!

Backyard

Cricket: Time for a good old fashioned... (pulls up some potatoes on their stalks) TATER TUG! C'mon!

(Tilly and Gramma arrive to help. Tilly reels in a fishing pole which fishes up some potatoes. Gramma punches into the ground.)

Gramma: Wah! (pulls out some potatoes) Ha!

(Cricket puts a shovel in the ground next to a stalk; Tilly pushes it down, slinging the stalk in the air, it drops the potatoes into a bucket Gramma is holding. She gives a thumbs-up; Cricket pulls up one particular stalk with an unusually blue-colored potato attached to it; we hear a record scratch.)

Cricket: Gotcha! What the...? (close-up of the potato.) Hmm... (calling out) Hey, look at this stupid blue potato!

(Gramma turns around and drops her potatoes in shock with a gasp.)

Gramma: Cricket, DON'T TOUCH IT!!

Cricket: Aaaaaaand... boop! (touches it)

Gramma: (running over) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (swats the potato away; grabs him) What's the matter with ya, boy!!??

Cricket: Da -- I don't know, lotsa stuff, I guess!

Gramma: Ain't ya ever heard the curse OF THE BLUE TATER!!??!!??!!Cricket: Wha?

Gramma: The curse of the blue tater has haunted country folk for years!

(Flashback: a male farmer holds the blue tater and is hit by a horse.)

Gramma (VO): Whoever possesses a blue tater is cursed! Cursed!

(A woman holds the blue tater; lightning strikes the barn in the background, and it catches fire. The horse runs over her.)

Gramma (VO): With bad luck! Endless fortune!

(The horse sniffs the blue tater; a herd of horses come by and run it over.)

Gramma (VO): It's done terrible, terrible deeds to everyone who crosses its path.

(Flashback ends.)

Gramma: That's about as bad news, Cricket! You've brought cravenous fortune to us all!!

Cricket: Ah, don't be ridiculous, Gramma. It's just a potato. But if it makes you feel better... (throws the blue tater over his shoulder) There. Gone forever.

(The blue tater bounces off an umbrella at Big Coffee.)

Man in window: What a nice day. (the blue tater bounces off of him) Oof!

(It bounces off a pigeon, knocking it out of the sky.)

Cricket: And that is the end of the -- (the blue tater hits his head) Oof! (it lands before him) AAHHHH!! BLUE TATER! Oh no, it came back! The curse is real?!?

Gramma: Of course it's real, ya dingbat!

Cricket: (nervously sidles up to Gramma) What do you do? How do ya break the curse?

Gramma: We need to prepare a special ritual. I need snake venom, dirt from my fresh grave, and sour cream. I have the first two in my purse, but your sister keeps eating all my sour cream, which I need for my taquitos!!!

Tilly: What's that, now?

Cricket: Uh, can't we just destroy it?

Gramma: Nooo!!! If you destroy it, the curse is permanent! You'll have bad luck for the rest of your life! Hey, where'd it go?

(The blue tater has disappeared.)

Cricket: (gasps) It's gone!

Front yard

Bill: (whistles)

(The blue tater is in the bucket Bill is carrying; he puts it in the trunk of the Kludge with the rest.)

Bill: All righty then.

Cricket: Dad, Dad, DadDad!! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-blue tater!!!

Bill: Oh, yeah! (chuckles; picks it up) Looks pretty stupid, huh?

Cricket: Don't touch it, it's cursed!! It'll melt your skin off, and then your eyeballs will fall out, and then your blood will curdle into cheese!

Bill: Aww, Gramma's been filling your head with nonsense again. There's no such thing as bad luck. (pokes him) Besides, I need every potato available to make fries. (kisses it)

Cricket: Ugh...don't kiss it!!!!

Bill: (closing the trunk) Anyway, quit your worrying, and check out the new and improved Green Family food truck!

(Shows the Kludge has a french fryer and fridge in the trunk for making the fries. On board is an outlet with cords plugged up for them to work.)

Bill: It was easy. Just put a bunch of my kitchen appliances in my truck. I even thought of the perfect name for it: "It's French Fries". (closes the door) See?

(On the door there is a sticker reading "It's French Fries").

Bill: Aww, ain't she pretty?

Cricket: Yeah, she's pretty -- pretty dangerous! This whole thing is a death trap! (points to the fridge) This could fall on someone! (points to the fryer) This could burn someone's face off! (picks up a salt shaker) And this could...um... (shakes it) Get in your eyes and sting 'em!!

(It does just that; they turn red and tear up.)

Cricket: AHHHHHH!!! THE CURSE IS REAL!!!

Bill: Oh, for Pete's sake, knock it off. I need everyone's help today, I don't wanna hear one more word about this curse business.

Cricket: But Dad --

Bill: Not. One. (calling out) Ma! Tilly! Time to go! It's french fry time!

(As Cricket whimpers in fright, Bill gets into the truck while Tilly comes over.)

Cricket: Tilly, wait! (Gets out) Tilly, you're my favorite sibling. I can't let you go to the food trucks.

Tilly: But I wanted to eat tacos and smell the diesel.

Cricket: Oh, sweet sister, (grabs her cheeks) it's too perilous!

Tilly: Hmm...I'll use my lucky coin to guide me. If it's heads, I go. Tails, I'll stay.

(She flips it; it lands on heads.)

Tilly: Guess I'm goin'! Thank you for decidin' my fate, lucky coin.

Cricket: (whimpers)

Gramma: (comes over) All right, boy, listen up! I got a plan. Once we're at the Food Truck Round-Up, I can get some sour cream to complete the ritual.

Cricket: But until then, what do we do about the curse?

(A horse whinny is heard.)

Gramma: Boy, it's up to you now to protect this family, now chop-chop! (gets in the truck)

Bill: Everybody in!

Cricket: (nervously forcing a smile) Alright, everybody ready for a safe and uneventful ride?

Bill: Uh...sure, I guess. Food Truck Round-Up, here we come!

Cricket: Okay, just wait one second!! Are you buckled in? Is this... (pulls Gramma's seatbelt) tight enough?!

Bill: Cricket, would you sit down, please?! (accidentally reverses) Whoa!!

(The Kludge crashes into the porch.)

Bill: Oh, must've put it in reverse. Weird, I've never done that before. (sighs) I can fix that later. Not gonna let this get us down!

Cricket: (to himself, contemptuously) The curse... (moans worryingly)

(The Kludge drives onto the street and away.)

Street

Cricket: Gotta keep my eyes peeled for any danger.

(Ahead of the truck is a pothole in the middle of the road.)

Cricket: Oh no, a pothole! (takes the wheel) LOOK OUT!

Bill: What are you -- ?

(The truck swerves back and fourth as the family screams; it crashes into a lamppost and steams.)

Bill: Cricket, we've been through this a hundred times when I'm driving, you (slams on the horn) DON'T GRAB! THE WHEEL!

(He pops the hood.)

Bill: All right...not too bad...we can still make it to the round-up... (a knife is flung into the engine) Ack! Ugh, what now?

(It came from Cricket in the trunk.)

Cricket: Okay, that's it for the knives. What's this here, now? (looks at a box of...) Sauces? Too dangerous! (tosses them off board)

Bill: (comes over) Whyyyyyyy???

Cricket: For safety, Dad! (holding the blue tater) We can't predict when bad luck will strike, but if we stay on guard for the rest of our lives --

Bill: (grabs the blue tater) THAT'S IT, BOY!!!!!

(They fight over it until they let it loose; Cricket tumbles back.)

Cricket: Whoa-oa-oa!

(He bumps into the fryer, causing it to fall off and spill the deep fry. Bill steps on a tube of mustard.)

Bill: Whoaaaaaaaa!!! (falls into some ketchup and mustard on the street) Oof. Aww, my delicious, homemade honey mustard. (a flock of pigeons start eating off of him) OW!!! OW! AH! AH! AH-AH! EEK! OW! NO, NONONONO! AGH!

Keys: (comes right over) Hey! Shoo! (the pigeons fly away) Leave this man alone!

Bill: Whew! Thanks, officer.

Keys: No problem! I noticed you were in a no parking zone. Here's your ticket! (hands him one and leaves)

(Bill starts fidgeting and straining in realization; he crumbles the ticket and looks at the blue tater.)

Bill: THE CURSE IS REAL!!!!!

Inside the Kludge

Bill: Oh my gosh...I'm cursed! I'M CURSED! Forget the Food Truck Round-Up, my life is being destroyed by an EVIL POTATO!!!

Cricket: (sinks next to Tilly) Oh, man. I made Dad go crazy. (falls off his seat) All this happened because I'm cursed! It's that tater's fault!

Tilly: Oh, no. That's not true, Cricket. This is all your fault.

Cricket: Thanks, Tilly. That's really understa -- (realizes) Wait. Come again?

Tilly: Cricket, why did Papa hit the porch with the truck?

Cricket: The tater!

Tilly: Nope. It's 'cause you distracted him. And why did he hit the telephone pole?

Cricket: The tater!!

Tilly: No, that was you, too. And who wrestled Papa, got him covered in sauce, attacked by pigeons, and in trouble with the law?

Cricket: THAT DARN -- Hmm. Nope, I guess that was me, too.

Tilly: Cricket, we aren't controlled by luck. (takes out her coin from before) For instance, ya know my lucky coin that always comes up heads? I just glued two pennies together.

(She turns the coin revealing it's just two pennies glued together heads up.)

Tilly: We make our own luck.

Cricket: Okay...maybe you're onto somethin'.

Street

(Bill lies against the back of the Kludge, blue tater in hands.)

Bill: Okay, potato. What do you want from me?!? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! (Cricket takes it from him) Huh? Cricket!

Cricket: (holds up the blue tater) You leave my dad alone! I'll deal with you later, tater. (tosses it away) Hmmph!

Bill: Hey, what are you doin'!? Tryin' to upset the potato!?

Cricket: You've put too much into this truck for us to give up now! Curse or no, I ain't ready to quit!

Bill: But we can't fight the curse!

Cricket: Well, that's why we won't fight back, we'll push back!

(He starts trying to push the Kludge; it doesn't even manage to go anywhere.)

Bill: Aw, come on! You can't push the truck by yourself!

(More pushing; Tilly comes out.)

Tilly: Well then, let's give him a hand.

(She joins in the pushing; Bill smiles.)

Bill: Well, all right! (gets into place) Ma, keep the truck in neutral!

Gramma: (adjusts the mirror) Yeah, yeah, I'm on it! Let's do this!

(All three manage to push the Kludge up the hill nearby with all their might. Two guys in a tow truck watch.)

Steve: Uh, should we help them?

Pat: No! They don't need us! They're a family workin' together. They could overcome anything. (sheds a single tear)

(More pushing; they reach the top and stop to take a breath. A guy on a bike passes.)

Tilly: Ha-ha!

Bill: (chuckles)

Cricket: Yeah, we made it to the top! (they hug.) And look, the Food Truck Round-Up is right there!

(Down the hill is a parking lot where the Round-Up is taking place.)

Cricket: I guess it's all downhill from here.

(He leans against the Kludge, causing it to roll downhills; he falls.)

Cricket: Whoa!

(Down it goes.)

Bill: THE TRUCK!

Cricket: Don't worry. Gramma's steerin'.

Gramma (OS): No I'm not!

(She is standing next to them.)

Gramma: I got out for the hug! But I guess I missed it!

Cricket: Guh.

(He looks aside and sees a stray shopping cart next to a pile of trash. He takes it out.)

Cricket: Guys! C'mon, jump in!

(The Kludge rolls downhill; they too roll after it in the cart basket, yelling in fear.)

(The Kludge passes through Dan's Deep Fryers, Novelty Signs, and goes through the car wash; it now resembles a true food truck.)

Cricket (OS): Whoa! The truck looks great!

Greens: Oooooooooh...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

(The Kludge ends up jumping off a hill of dirt from roadwork ahead.)

Pink worker: The truck! It flies?!

Brown worker: No, it fries! (looks at the "It's French Fries" logo) It french fries!

(They too jump off the dirt; the Kludge flips through the air, they too as they yell in fright.)

Food Truck Round-Up

(The Kludge lands in an empty space at the Round-Up, the Greens landing in its trunk. Both are unharmed.)

Greens: (various groaning)

Cricket: Hey, look! We made it to the Round-Up!

Bill: Our luck really turned around!

Cricket: Nah, we made our own luck.

(He looks at Tilly, who winks.)

Blue boy: You guys do french fries? So cool. I love fries. Can you feed me some yummy fries? (holds up four dollars)

Cricket: Oh! Uh...yes! Comin' right up sir!

(He reaches down and grabs a potato peeler and...the blue tater, which he notices.)

Cricket: Oh, uh...

Gramma: (enters with a bucket of sour cream) CRICKET! WAAAAAAIIIIIIT!!! (sets it down) I stole this sour cream! We can remove the curse! Don't destroy, or you'll be cursed with bad luck forever!!!

Tilly: It's just a potato, Cricket. Soon to be a french fry.

(He stares at the blue tater in his hand, completely pensive as the music begins to swell ominously. Gramma flinches nervously, as does Bill, but not Tilly who is stern with her decision. Their customer is confused.)

Blue boy: Uh... (nervous chuckle) What...?

(With a loud whimper, the music grows louder and more urgent as Cricket raises the peeler high above his head and slices the blue tater with it as the view cuts to black...)

Minutes later

(Cuts immediately to a box of french fries, one in particular being blue from the blue tater. The customer is about to eat it when the woman next to him notices.)

Purple woman: Babe, that fry is blue.

Blue boy: Hey, cool! Must be good luck or somethin'. (eats it)

Purple woman: I love your perspective on life.

(They leave; the Greens are satisfied, no bad luck at all.)

Greens: Phew! (all smile)

Red woman: Hey! I wanna try a lucky blue fry!

(More customers come.)

Cricket: Oh-ho, yeah! Sure! Of course! Okay, comin' right up! Here you go!

Offscreen male voice: HEY! Who took me big old bucket of sour cream?!?

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