This monochromatic world

It seemed like I was seeing black and white. It was like the world moved slowly in my point of view. For me everything was just so.... dull. I have forgotten how to feel... happiness, anger, sadness I don't know what those feelings feel like anymore. My past is slowly fading, the memories I have are vanishing. All this pain... and cruelty, I can't take it anymore...

I don't remember spending joyful moments with my so called family, everyday was torture living in that household. I could only remember the pain... it hurts. I want it to stop...

I didn't have much memories with my friends... even if I did those memories are already starting to fade. I may have spent happy moments with them, but I also remember sorrow. I remember seeing tears fall down their eyes and I was just standing there looking at them as they shed tears. I felt happiness with them, but as everything is... it was temporary.

School... for me it was a prison. I didn't really want to learn anything. I wasn't interested... but I was forced to go because of my parents. I was forced to study and I was supposed to give my parents the highest grades despite me still being young. That only pressured me... I hate school.

A romantic life.... that's something I surely can't have. Was I even interested?... let me recall... I don't really know. But I do remember dating someone... in a game... I loved someone who didn't even exist in this world... that's how hopeless I am.

In terms of work... I wasn't really good at it. I'm not even interested in working. That would only cause stress... I didn't know what to do in the future... I don't know what I want to do or what I wanted to be. I'm so useless...

I tried being nice to people... but they only abused me. I just kept quiet... they only went near me when needed. I didn't know how I felt back then... was I sad? upset? or even happy?

In this world we live in we are bound to feel pain and suffer. No matter what we do we will always end up alone. We feel sadness and anger but we also feel happiness. We may cry but we also laugh. Each and everyone of us has a purpose... our own story. I take a deep breath and let it out. and I whisper to myself..."We exist to dissappear..."

Because of my experiences I became like this. Emotionally Numb... lost... I don't even remember my name anymore. I had nothing... I have forgotten to see colors, for I have lived so long in this monochromatic world. My name long forgotten...

What was my name again...?

Did I even have a name in the first place?

I don't remember...

I guess I'm... what you would call

Nameless

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