Soft breaking

Lately, everything has felt overwhelmingly heavy and I cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong inside me, both mentally and emotionally. It feels like there is a quiet storm happening in my mind that no one else can see, and I am trying to stand still while everything inside me feels like it is falling apart. I just wish people were kinder, because most days it feels like the world is full of sharp edges and I am walking through them alone, pretending that I am fine when I am not. I have been fighting my own silent battles, resisting the urge to hurt myself, knowing it will not fix anything and knowing it would only leave more scars that I do not need. I sit with my palms covering my face, asking myself what the problem is, yet I cannot even understand what I am crying for or where the sadness is coming from. It feels like my heart is aching without a reason and my thoughts are tangled in ways I cannot explain.

I have started isolating myself again, slowly pulling away from people without meaning to. I do not want to return to the old version of me, because I know I would be worse this time and I am afraid of what that version would look like. Before, when sadness came, I could still turn to my hobbies and the little things that made me happy, like music, writing, or simply being outside. But now, I feel myself losing interest in everything, as if the things that once felt warm now feel distant and cold. It is as if sadness is choosing me even when I do not want it, even when I try to fight it, and even when I beg myself to feel something lighter. I feel mentally and physically exhausted, like my body is dragging itself through each day while my mind is somewhere far away. I wake up in the middle of the night, and within minutes I find myself crying in the dark, listening to the sound of my own breathing and wishing it felt comforting. I just want a hug, a real one, the kind that makes you feel safe and understood. I want to disappear, not in the way people might assume, but in a way where I could leave everything behind and escape somewhere peaceful, somewhere quiet, somewhere where my heart could rest for a while. I need a break from everything, from thoughts, from expectations, from pretending. I tried reaching out to friends and family, hoping someone would notice the hints, hoping someone would hear the shakiness in my voice or see the sadness in my eyes. But instead, I felt ignored, like my pain was invisible, like my feelings were too quiet for anyone to care about. It made me wonder, if I have many friends and a supposedly supportive family, then why do I feel so unseen when I need them most. Why does the road feel so dark and heavy every time a storm hits. Why do I feel like I am carrying something too heavy while everyone else walks freely. Is this really what family and friends are supposed to mean. I do not think so. I believe they should make you feel supported, noticed, and understood, not forgotten and unheard.

Right now, I feel sad, miserable, and deeply alone. It feels like I am surrounded by people yet still completely by myself. I am constantly questioned for the things I do and it makes me doubt myself, as if everything I do is wrong or not enough. I just wish I had someone I could talk to, someone who would listen without judging, without interrupting, without dismissing what I feel. Carrying all of this by myself feels like being a balloon filled to the limit, ready to burst at any moment, and maybe that is what is happening now. I feel stressed, pressured, and fragile, like one more thought or one more disappointment could make everything spill over. It is tiring to feel this way, and even more tiring to pretend that I do not. Still, I hold on to the hope that this phase will eventually pass. I remind myself that emotions shift and time changes things, even when it feels slow. I hate being in this chapter of my life, and I hate how heavy everything feels, but that does not mean I do not want to live. Deep inside me, even beneath the sadness, there is still a small desire for better days, for peace, for relief, for laughter that feels real again. I want to feel like myself again, and I want to wake up one day without this heaviness. And maybe one day, I will.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***