CHAPTER 1 — ORIGINS

Cigarette smoke curled upward, dancing with the dim lights hanging from the club’s ceiling. Soft music flowed through the room, but in my ears it sounded like a distant, detached hum. Laughter from guests and hosts blended with the sharp scent of alcohol.

Tonight was slow.

Since I arrived, not a single guest had called for me.

I fixed my makeup—my red lipstick already fading, my hair needing to stay neat. In the middle of all this glittering chaos, I sat quietly in a corner and pulled out a small notebook from the pocket of my dress. My study notes.

The semester exams were coming.

I was holding together two worlds that should never meet:

a dental student by day,

a host by night.

Light and darkness—two worlds that demanded the same thing: money.

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Ever since I moved to Jakarta, everything had changed. Living in a boarding house meant freedom—freedom to work, to wander at night… and to drown without anyone noticing. My parents didn’t know the path I had taken. They only knew I studied. They didn’t know the cost of keeping that dream alive.

When the university acceptance letter arrived, my father could only lower his head.

“Don’t enter. We can’t afford it. Just choose a cheaper major, Santi.”

But my mother, eyes shimmering, whispered,

“Just go. Mama will find a way.”

I didn’t understand where she got the money.

Later, I learned she had borrowed it from a wealthy lender in our small town—at a suffocating interest rate.

From then on, I tried everything to survive in Jakarta.

I posted an ad in the newspaper: private lessons for young children.

When I got my first customer, I was thrilled.

But the mother bargained endlessly until the transport cost was bigger than what I earned.

I taught another child—only for the mother to introduce me to an older man she knew.

The bad feeling he gave me made me never return.

I worked at a shop, but the pay didn’t cover basic living needs.

I tried selling items online to my classmates—at first it worked, but eventually I lost money.

Unsold stock piled up.

Jakarta was cruel.

Too cruel for someone who only wanted to survive.

---

One morning, I knocked on my boarding neighbor’s door—Yarni.

My last resort whenever I was truly desperate.

Tok. Tok. Tok.

“Mbak Yarni… I need help.”

She opened the door wearing a wrinkled house dress, her hair tied up carelessly, her face dull—so different from her glamorous nightly appearance. She worked as an LC at Club Scorpion, one of the biggest clubs in the area.

“Borrowing money again? Aren’t you ashamed? You haven’t even returned the last one.”

Her voice was harsh, but I knew she still cared—at least a little.

“Mbak… please. Just this once. My allowance is late again…”

She crossed her arms.

“You know what? Instead of borrowing, come with me tonight. Work.”

“What? Work what?”

She narrowed her eyes, blowing out smoke.

“Your face is decent. It’ll sell.”

I shook my head quickly. “No, Mbak.”

“Why not? It’s more respectable than begging for money.”

“But… my parents would never approve.”

“They don’t need to know. You think my money grows on trees? I have a child back in the village to feed.”

I froze.

Her words struck harder than reality itself.

“I’ll… think about it,” I whispered weakly.

---

I tried borrowing from my classmates.

All shook their heads.

All said the same thing:

“We’re broke too, San.”

“I just get enough from my parents.”

“Work, San. Find a job.”

The same response echoed through the boarding house.

I felt cornered.

That night, staring at the ceiling of my tiny room, I wondered:

Should I give up?

Is this really the only way?

---

That evening, after class, I knocked on Yarni’s door again. Softly. Hesitant.

She opened it and almost slammed it shut seeing me—before I quickly held it.

“Mbak… I’m in. But not every day. Okay?”

Her face softened. A small smile appeared.

“Of course. I’ll talk to Mami. You’ll work only on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.”

I nodded.

“Yes, Mbak. Thank you. Um… can I borrow a million now…?”

I said it fast before she could close the door.

She sighed but handed me the money.

A few days later, I officially became a host at Club Scorpion—one of Jakarta’s most glamorous… and darkest clubs.

That night, for the first time, I stepped into a world I never imagined entering.

A world that would force me to ask:

Was this a choice… or a rebellion?

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