Introduction

My name is Abel Caspian.

I was adopted by the Caspian family, one of the most respected families in the Capital. For as long as I could remember, I lived a life others could only dream of. Warm meals. Expensive schools. Parents who smiled at me with pride.

I was born holding a golden spoon.

Later, my parents discovered the truth.

I was not their biological son.

I was devastated by the fact.

I waited for their love to fade. For disappointments knowing that their precious son was not their own. I was waiting for the distance but it never came.

If anything, they loved me more.

Their real son, Casey, who had been lost years ago and only returned after graduating high school came back to where he belong. He was gentle, polite, and painfully unfamiliar. I stepped aside for him without being asked. I already knew my place.

As long as I could stay, that was enough.

But this world was never fair. Because this world was inside a novel.

A Boy’s Love novel, to be exact. One filled with obsession, misunderstandings, twisted affection, and ruined families. And in that story, I wasn’t the misunderstood second lead or the tragic lover.

I was the villain.

The protagonist was Casey. And the male lead was someone I loved.

Charlie Hunter.

He was a senior at our university. He was tall, confident, and handsome in a way that made people turn their heads without realizing it. Everyone liked him. Everyone wanted to be close to him.

And me? I was not special enough to stand beside him. So I stayed far away.

I watched him laugh with his friends over small jokes. I memorized the way he smiled when he talked about things he loved. I kept my feelings buried where no one could see them. I never planned to confess to begin with. Loving him quietly felt safer.

Until I saw him looking at Casey.

Then following Casey.

Then pursuing him openly, shamelessly, like the world belonged to him.

That was when my heart broke.

I told myself to accept it. I told myself I had no right to feel jealous. But jealousy doesn’t listen.

I began to feel small and replaceable. Like everything I had was borrowed and could be taken away at any moment. The love of my parents. My place in the family. Even the right to love someone.

That insecurity rotted inside me.

I didn’t notice when silence turned into resentment. When admiration turned into envy. And when fear turned into cruelty.

I don’t even remember the exact moment I crossed the line. I only know that I hurt the person who truly loved me.

Not Charlie. Not my parents.

It was someone who chose me even when the story said they shouldn’t.

And by the time I realized my mistakes, it was already too late.

Too late...

I died without understanding what I did wrong.

Or maybe…

I understood it too late to be forgiven.

....

When I opened my eyes again, I was seventeen.

My bedroom ceiling was the same one I used to stare at when I couldn’t sleep. The curtains my mother insisted on keeping. My phone buzzing on the desk with messages I hadn’t yet ruined.

I had returned to the beginning.

At first, I thought this was mercy. A chance to fix my mistakes. To avoid becoming the villain I once was. To let Casey and Charlie have their story without interference.

Then I remembered him. Blake Morgan.

My chest tightened the moment his name surfaced. Blake was my childhood sweetheart. My first friend. My first safe place. He was the boy who held my hand when I was scared of the dark, who shared his umbrella with me during summer rain, who promised we’d always stay together even when we grew up.

Until, I broke him.

In my previous life, Blake returned from abroad after years of study. He became the youngest CEO in his family’s business, successful and composed. I was proud of him. And ashamed...

Because when he came back, I was already obsessed with someone else.

I took Blake’s love for granted. I pushed him away when he tried to get close. I snapped at him when he worried. I treated his concern like a burden.

And when everything collapsed, when I lost everything and everyone, Blake was still there.

Until I hurt him one last time.

I never saw him again after that. That was my greatest sin. So when I returned to the past, Blake was the first person I searched for.

Except… something was wrong.

Blake had regressed too. I realized it the moment I saw him. His eyes were calm in a way they shouldn’t be. Too controlled. Too distant. When he looked at me, there was no warmth, no familiarity, no unconscious closeness.

Only polite restraint.

He still smiled. But it never reached his eyes.

“Abel,” he said, formal and careful. “It’s been a while.”

It hadn’t been. Not really. But to him, it had been a lifetime.

Blake remembered everything. And unlike me, he chose distance.

He no longer waited for me after class. He no longer texted me first. He kept conversations brief, respectful, and painfully impersonal. He treated me like someone he used to know and decided not to love anymore.

That hurt more than my death ever did.

This time, the roles were reversed. I was the one chasing. The one holding regret. The one begging silently for a second chance.

But redemption isn’t about forcing forgiveness. So I stopped reaching for what wasn’t mine to take.

I focused on changing quietly.

I stopped watching Charlie.

I stepped away from the jealousy that once consumed me.

I treated Casey with genuine kindness, not guilt or comparison.

And with Blake…

I learned to love him from a distance. I supported him without asking for closeness. I respected his boundaries even when they cut deep. I protected him from the future pain I once caused, even if that meant never standing by his side again.

But fate is cruel in stories like this.

The more I changed, the more the original plot unraveled. Charlie no longer followed Casey as obsessively. Misunderstandings didn’t happen the same way.

And Blake began to notice.

Not my words. But my actions.

He watched me choose restraint where I once chose selfishness. He saw me walk away when I wanted to stay. He noticed that I never once tried to trap him with guilt or memories.

That was when his distance wavered. Redemption doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in quiet moments.

A glance held a second too long.

A message replied to instead of ignored.

A hand almost reaching out, then stopping.

This time, I won’t ask him to forgive me.

If Blake chooses to walk away again, I’ll accept it.

Because loving him properly means respecting his choice.

And if this world is truly a novel…

Then this time, I don’t want to be the villain.

I just want to be someone worthy of the love I once destroyed.

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Hi Dearest💕

I worked really hard on this story. I know you don’t usually like angst, but I poured all of my pent-up emotions into it. I really hope you’ll like it.

^^^Ms. Lazy🥰^^^

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