#1- my life.

they say "life is a gift"

But

Isn't the gift supposed to make you feel something?

They say pain teaches you lessons. But what if you can’t even feel it anymore?

Everyone tells you something that it will

but what if it will never? How can they tell you what to do?

....

I found myself in standing in the middle of nowhere, not just nowhere but filled with darkness that I cannot see anything but darkness but this?

there's no difference from where I live.

"hotoke.."

Her voice was like a feather brushing against my ear, soft enough to almost disappear if I blinked. I turned around not because I'm afraid who is it. But because i know who is it.

"mom?.." I called , my voice breaking in the silence. My words barely travel, like leaves drifting on wind. “Mom… are you… are you really here?”

I see them. Three figures, just ahead, bathed in soft light. My heart lurches. I know them. My dad, my mom, and Tokeho. A spark of something I haven’t felt in years flares inside me. They’re here… they’re really here.

I run toward them, arms outstretched, my chest pounding with a joy I didn’t know I still had. But no matter how fast I run, no matter how many steps I take, they don’t get any closer. It’s like the space between us is endless, stretching farther with every movement.

Why can't i come closer?

why can't i ran towards them?

I start running faster, desperation burning through me, minutes stretching into eternity, but the distance doesn’t shrink. My legs ache, my lungs burn, but I can’t stop. I have to reach them.

“Please… take me with you…” I cry, my voice breaking as tears blur my vision. They just smile at me. So gentle and real and I feel my hope twist inside me. I take another step. And then I notice it… I’m finally moving closer. My feet hit the ground faster now, a rush of relief, my heart soaring. I’m going to reach them… I’m going to hold them…

I run as fast as I can. I’m almost there. My hands are trembling, ready to wrap around them, to finally feel them, to finally belong again.

but then they start to vanish

Just like that. No warning, no sound, no trace. They disappear before I can even touch them.

I fall to my knees, sobbing, shaking, begging. “No… don’t go… please… please… don’t leave me again…”

The darkness swallows me, and suddenly everything is still.

I open my eyes.

I wake to the sound of my alarm, the same harsh beep I’ve been ignoring for years. The ceiling greets me, plain and cold. The corners of my room are swallowed in shadow. The walls are silent. The air tastes like nothing, and the silence… the silence is loud, pressing into my ears like it’s trying to remind me I’m alone. No laughter. No warmth. No voices calling my name. Just me. Just this room.

Eventually, I sit up. The sheets feel heavy and cold, tangled around my legs. My body moves on its own. mechanical and automatic. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and plant my feet on the floor, but it doesn’t feel like standing. It’s just… existing.

I dress for school without looking in the mirror. Shirt, pants, shoes. Every motion practiced, every movement without thought. I tie my shoelaces the same way I always do. My hands know what to do that my mind barely notices. I grab my bag, slinging it over my shoulder. My breakfast waits on the counter, but I don’t touch it. Food tastes like nothing anyway. I head out my door and start my boring life.

That how I live my dear readers.

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