After the first hello

The first time I saw her, it wasn’t anything dramatic.

No butterflies.

No lightning.

Just a normal scroll.

Her profile came up randomly. Calm pictures. Simple bio. Nothing extra. She looked mature… older than me. There was something steady about her. Something that made me pause.

I don’t know why I followed her.

I almost didn’t.

But I did.

And surprisingly, she followed back.

A few minutes later, she texted first.

“Hey.”

That surprised me.

She started the conversation.

Not me.

We introduced ourselves. Basic stuff. Age. City. What we do. She told me she was older, and I didn’t know why, but that made her feel different. Not out of reach… just interesting.

The conversation wasn’t flirty.

It wasn’t deep.

It wasn’t exciting either.

She was dry.

Very dry.

Short replies.

No extra questions.

No emojis.

No energy.

But she still kept replying.

And that was enough for me.

After some time, the chat ended naturally. No dramatic goodbye. Just silence.

I closed the app.

Like I always do.

I’ve talked to many people online before. I don’t attach. I don’t wait. I don’t care.

I disappear.

That’s my pattern.

But that night… something was different.

I was lying in bed, scrolling through random things, when her face randomly appeared in my mind.

Her calm expression.

Her dry replies.

Her “Hey.”

Why am I thinking about her?

There was nothing special about the conversation.

Still… I replayed it.

The next day, I ignored the app.

But around evening, I felt this urge.

Just check.

I resisted.

Why? She probably didn’t text.

But my fingers reinstalled the app anyway.

First thing I did?

Opened our chat.

Nothing new.

No message.

My chest felt weirdly heavy.

Why does that even matter?

She was dry.

She barely showed interest.

And yet… I checked again after an hour.

Still nothing.

Days passed like that.

Me checking.

Her not texting.

But the strange thing was — I didn’t feel rejected.

I felt curious.

Confused.

Why her?

Out of all the people I’ve talked to, why did she stay in my mind?

She wasn’t overly sweet.

She wasn’t expressive.

She wasn’t giving mixed signals.

She was just… normal.

Dry.

And yet, she lived in my head.

One evening, I saw her online.

I didn’t text.

I just stared at the “online” sign.

Like an idiot.

Why does this feel important?

Why does my heart react like this?

Then something changed.

She stopped initiating.

She stopped even replying properly.

Our chats became shorter.

Colder.

And then… almost nothing.

It wasn’t dramatic.

She didn’t block me.

She didn’t argue.

She just… faded.

And I don’t know what happened to me after that.

Instead of moving on like I always do…

I stayed.

Thinking about her.

Every day.

I would randomly wonder:

Did I say something wrong? Did I bore her? Was I too normal? Too young?

She didn’t even look towards me anymore online.

No story replies.

No reactions.

Nothing.

Like I slowly disappeared from her world.

And that hurt more than it should have.

Because technically…

We were nothing.

But in my mind?

She had become something.

Then came the twist.

One day, I opened her story.

She was with another guy.

Laughing.

Comfortable.

Happy.

It hit differently.

Not anger.

Not rage.

Just this silent pain in my chest.

I stared at the screen longer than I should have.

He looked confident.

Close to her.

She looked relaxed.

That same calm face I saw the first day… but now it was glowing.

And I realized something strange.

I was happy she was happy.

Genuinely.

I didn’t want her sad.

I didn’t want her lonely.

Seeing her smile made me smile for a second.

But right after that smile…

Came the pain.

A sharp, quiet pain.

Why does it hurt if I want her happy?

Why does it hurt if we were never anything?

That night, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

I tried to understand myself.

I’m not heartbroken.

We never dated.

I’m not betrayed.

She never promised me anything.

So what is this?

Why do I only think about her?

Why does my chest feel heavy when I see her with him?

I think the answer scared me.

Somewhere between her dry replies and my constant checking…

I attached.

Not because she gave me attention.

Not because she flirted.

But because she was different.

She didn’t try.

She didn’t chase.

She didn’t impress.

And maybe that’s what pulled me closer.

She felt real.

Unfiltered.

Mature.

And my heart liked that.

Even if she didn’t show much interest.

Even if she slowly walked away.

Even if she stopped looking in my direction.

My feelings didn’t stop immediately.

They stayed.

Soft.

Confusing.

Persistent.

I don’t stalk her anymore.

I don’t check every minute.

But she still crosses my mind randomly.

When I wake up.

When I’m bored.

When I see something that reminds me of her calm vibe.

And the most confusing part?

I’m not angry at her.

I’m not jealous in a toxic way.

I just feel… left behind.

Like I arrived at a place too late.

Or maybe too early.

Maybe she never saw me the way I saw her.

Maybe I was just another random chat.

But to me…

She was the first person who made me reinstall an app.

The first person who made me wait without being asked to wait.

The first person who made me feel happy for her happiness…

And hurt at the same time.

That’s the weirdest part.

I smile when I see her smile.

But my chest aches right after.

And maybe that’s what growing up feels like.

Caring about someone quietly.

Without claiming them.

Without blaming them.

Just feeling.

I don’t know what happened to me.

I don’t know why she stayed in my head.

Maybe it was timing.

Maybe it was curiosity.

Maybe it was just the beginning of learning what attachment feels like.

But one thing is certain.

Even if she never looks towards me again…

Even if she ends up with that guy…

Even if our chat stays silent forever…

She’ll always be the girl who made me feel something new.

Something confusing.

Something soft.

Something painful.

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