I wonder.....why not me?

I kept on reading as I lost the track of time, it started raining heavily now only the rustling sound of the leaves and the rain filled the surrounding. Suddenly I heard someone calling my name, it was the librarian, I guess time's up. I closed the book carefully and put it back on it's place... hoping I could read it again next week. I slugged the bag on my right shoulder then slightly smiled and waved towards the librarian, she just smiled and went back to her work. I walked outside, thinking what now? The school was almost empty, I kept walking downstairs glancing at the empty corridors and classroom... It was peaceful but peace doesn't lasts forever. I reached the ground floor and sighed, the weather is indeed perfect but I don't have an umbrella. Then I looked around and saw a few of my classmates going home together, you were there too... Looking at one of our classmates with those gentle eyes and a longing which I wanted you to see me with... I looked at her... She is beautiful and smart with a kind heart.... Perfect for you... Unlike me... I felt my heart clenching slightly, I felt.... Suffocated for some reason I don't know..... I took a deep breath and just ran without umbrella obviously. I was getting drenched but I couldn't care... I couldn't think at all… My feet just carried me somehow, almost tripping but kept running. I knew they were probably staring at me thinking I am crazy or something but I couldn't care at all... that scene kept on replaying in my head nonstop....

I reached home and fumbling took out my keys almost dropping it.... I slammed the door shut behind me... and slide down to the floor, my back leaning on the door. I kept breathing heavily from running that much... I was completely drenched and tears kept rolling down my cheeks, I wiped them but still... My lips trembling slightly as I shivered from the cold, I muttered " I wonder... Why not me?" though I knew the answer... I am not perfect, beautiful, or smart like her.... I don't deserve you... That's why... But at that moment my mind was completely blank.... I calmed down in a while, my eyes red already. I covered my eyes and thought Did I lost my mind or something? To run like that? I glanced down at myself, totally drenched from head to toe, muddy on my shoes, my bag was wet too. I sighed while thinking that you must have thought I am crazy too... Howe pathetic I am right now... I could have never thought such a day will come.... I stood up somehow dragging myself inside...

( I am too lazy to write, comment if you liked it though I wonder if anyone will read it other than me.... That's great actually lol 😂 you know why I am writing this last part because I couldn't reach 500 words.)

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