Chapter 1 Losing

Today, I’m going to tell you how I lost my childhood.

Not in a single day.

Not because of one mistake.

But slowly… in ways no one could see.

My name is Alex.

A simple name. A common one.

But in my class, it was never just “Alex.”

They called me “Alexa.”

At first, I thought it was just a joke.

Something friends do to laugh and pass time.

“Alexa, play music.”

“Alexa, do this.”

“Alexa, shut up.”

Everyone laughed.

I tried to laugh too.

I didn’t want to seem weak.

But jokes don’t stay jokes for long.

Soon, it wasn’t just my name.

It was me.

“Shorty.”

That became my new identity.

I wasn’t tall, and they made sure I remembered it every single day.

They would stand right next to me on purpose—

shoulder to shoulder—

just to compare heights.

“Bro, stand here,” one of them would say to another,

“you’ll look like a giant next to him.”

And then they’d laugh.

Sometimes, they did it in front of girls.

That hurt the most.

“Why are you even trying?” someone once said,

“She won’t even see you down there.”

More laughter.

I smiled.

I always smiled.

Because if I didn’t, it would only get worse.

But inside… something was breaking.

Piece by piece.

School stopped feeling like a place to learn.

It became a place where I learned how small I was—

not just in height,

but in their eyes.

And when the day ended, I didn’t feel relief.

Because home wasn’t much better.

Mistakes weren’t explained.

They were punished.

Marks weren’t discussed.

They were judged.

One day, I got my result.

60%.

I stared at the paper for a long time.

Not because I was surprised…

but because I was scared.

Scared of what would happen next.

Scared of not being enough again.

As I walked home, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

The closer I got, the heavier my steps felt.

I reached the door and paused.

For a moment, I thought about running away.

But I didn’t.

I opened the door.

And there he was.

My father.

The moment he saw me, my heart dropped.

His eyes moved to the paper in my hand.

“Show me your result.”

His voice was calm.

Too calm.

My fingers trembled as I handed it to him.

He looked at it silently.

Seconds passed.

But it felt like forever.

Then his face changed.

“Call your brother.”

My body froze.

“Call him,” he said again, louder.

I obeyed.

My brother walked into the room, confused.

“Bring a stick,” my father said, his voice now filled with anger.

The words never came out.

I completely froze in place.

I could feel his eyes on me—heavy, sharp, filled with anger.

But I couldn’t look back.

My gaze dropped to the floor.

I stood there, staring at nothing, unable to move… unable to even breathe properly.

“Why didn’t you bring the stick, Daniel?”

His voice cut through the silence.

My brother hesitated.

“I… I was just—”

“I didn’t ask for an explanation.”

The room felt colder.

Every second stretched longer than it should.

I wished I could disappear.

Just vanish from that moment.

My hands tightened into fists, but they still trembled.

I kept my head down.

Eye contact felt impossible.

If I looked up, I knew I would break.

“I’m talking to you.”

His voice was louder now.

I flinched.

Not because of what had happened—

but because of what I knew was coming.

Daniel finally stepped forward, holding the stick in his hand.

For a moment, everything went quiet again.

Too quiet.

My heart was beating so fast it hurt.

I wanted to say something.

Anything.

That I tried.

That I studied.

That I didn’t mean to fail.

But my voice… stayed locked inside.

And in that silence, I understood something I had never fully accepted before—

No matter what I did,

no matter how hard I tried…

It was never going to be enough.

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