Perhaps it was meant to end like this?

In a life of uncertainty, my only certainty had cracked from the edges. Getting away from me. It does hurts but in the end it was my fault for holding on too hard until my hands started hurting, my eyes became out of focus, my possessiveness clouded my mind and my selfishness blurred my judgement.

I muttered sorry all night only to meet with coldness. I looked at it, like always, it was How Expected. Because somewhere in a heart even I know perhaps this is how it was supposed to end. Maybe in another life, you could be mine. Perhaps not I guess.

In this life, Nothing is as perfect as it looks. You might admire other's life, Wishing to be like this. But try seeing behind that perfection, all you could find is pain. Everyone can be perfect but do you want to go through that pain? Only to create a facade to make yourself perfect even if only in the eyes of others.

I don't say I never admired anyone, I did too. That's why I ended up like this. In those eyes, I used to see happiness every day, shining like they held stars in it. Now has dulled like a dead fish's one, it had turned red from the edges as depression has devoured those stars. It hurts to see those eyes like this. Perhaps it was supposed end in this....

 In my life of uncertainty, you were my only certainty beyond imagination. Something I believed that could never leave me. But somewhere in the darkest corner of my heart where overthinking prevails I knew it was meant to end like this. My certainty left me. Soon the light from my eyes faded away too. My focus blurred, my thoughts were a mess, my mind drifting through the nights of our memories where once happiness was once a constant. Not anymore. Nothing lasts forever. I know that too. That's why I used to say Maybe, hopefully, I guess and many things which my certainty didn't like. But I knew it meant to be end like this.

Now my grip has loosened, my hands hung useless beside me, even you don't have the strength to hold me back. Perhaps that's how it was meant to end. But..... In another life, will you be mine? I know you won't. But still I wish you could be mine at least in another life where I am not like this. Where my possessiveness couldn't be suffocating. Where you don't have to where those chains that tied you with me. I wish you could be free, your heart could be filled with happiness unlike mine, your eyes could shine again brighter than before. No lies, you were my obsession but perhaps it is what that hurt you in the end.

Perhaps in this life, it was meant to be like this. But still I can't help but wish selfishly, just one day more, be with me. I wish I wasn't like this. Then perhaps we couldn't be together in this start. But at least it couldn't end like this too as nothing ever started.

I was living in a delusional of a happy life, suddenly yanked back to reality. Everything turned cold, even those warm eyes. Perhaps it was supposed to end like this. Maybe in another life.... Be mine at the end.

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