Maybe in another life?

Maybe is a heavy word filled with uncertainty. My whole life has been filled with maybes but only about one thing I wasn't uncertain. But when you said " Perhaps I wasn't made for you...." That sentence made my certainty crack from the edge, it started becoming uncertain too. Then a thought crossed my mind, filled with uncertainty, " Maybe in another life.... But what if that another life never comes? " Then perhaps it's destiny that you weren't meant to be mine.

One day I will just become a random face among the crowd of hundreds that you met in your life.



You will stare at with me with those cold uncertain eyes, those eyes which used to look at me with love once. It's one of my biggest fears.



I am afraid to hold on too tightly because it will hurt us in the end. I didn't want to argue, I was just sad, I didn't want to tell too. But that certainty that you are mine made me say everything in my mind. Only to meet with that uncertainty.

Maybe in this life, you weren't meant to be mine, maybe in another life you will be mine only. But what if this is that another life? Then I will smile with that uncertainty that I held on my life like and say " Maybe it was destiny."

I don't want to let you go but I can't hold too tightly, my possessiveness is something I can't hide, though I have been trying so hard to hide it behind that smile which has cracked, falling apart already. You were the only thing my heart was certain about until it met the uncertainty of reality and yours. I imagined a quiet future for us, filled with every emotion not just happiness, I wanted to experience everything with you. But uncertainty filled my mind as my imagination fell apart. I didn't break at once, I didn't break loudly, I broke slowly and silent.

I tried to lose my grip that held you near my heart so that you couldn't think I am being too much but it turned into an argument before I even realized.

In the past I tried to push you away because of this uncertainty but I try not to do it anymore. I am afraid to lose you.

One day my grip might lose forever when I lose the strength to hold on, if it happens, will you not hold me like I once held you? I got the answer with uncertainty when you replied. And it was No. You don't hold me tightly on place when I break apart, you will just say with uncertainty " Perhaps I wasn't made for you..." A sentence recurring in my mind, making it hollow from inside. A warm home that I built with you in my imagination slipping away from between my fingers and all I could do was watch with uncertainty. Life is hard I know that too. I didn't expect it to be easy too. It's filled with uncertainty, I know that now too.... Yet I foolishly wish for a future with us in it. If not in this life perhaps in another life, I want you to be mine at the end.

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