A dream I didn’t understand

And somehow, without even realizing it—

I started trying harder than ever before.

o(｀ω´ )o

Not because I suddenly discovered a passion for anything in particular.

And not because I understood love either.

Back then, I really didn’t.

If anything, I was just… looking at him.

Every time I saw him—laughing comfortably with his friends near the window while sunlight poured into the classroom—

he looked ridiculously bright.

The kind of person people naturally looked at without realizing it.

Like someone quietly shining on their own.

To me, he looked dazzling.

Like someone with his own direction, his own goals, his own kind of confidence.

There was this strange aura around him that naturally drew people in.

And every time I saw that—

I started thinking quietly to myself:

I want to become someone like that too.

I want to shine like that too.

I want to stand beside someone like him without feeling small.

No—

I want to stand on equal ground with him someday.

And maybe…

even surpass him.\٩(๑`^´๑)۶/

____

The school’s competition team entrance exam was announced near the end of the semester.

Students crowded around the notice board after school while teachers handed out registration forms.

I stood there staring at the paper quietly.

Competition team.

District training class.

The classroom he used to study in.

Before I realized it, my hand had already reached out to take a form.

“You’re applying for that class??” my friend asked in complete shock.

“…Maybe\~” ( ・∇・)

“Do you seriously think you can survive in there?”

“Why are you saying it like I’m entering a battlefield?”

“Because the people in that class aren’t normal humans.”

“Listen!!”

She pointed dramatically toward the competition team building outside the window.

“Those people are like superheroes or main characters in movies. They all have some ridiculously overpowered talent.”

“…Oh.”(　˙-˙　)

“I’m just worried that if you somehow get in there, you’ll evolve into some kind of little demon instead of a normal person.”

“Hmm…”

“Even if I become a demon, the fondness and friendship I have for you will never change\~”

(⁎⁍̴̆Ɛ⁍̴̆⁎)

“…You little gremlin.”

With a sigh, she gently flicked my forehead.

“Just don’t push yourself too hard, okay?”

“(//∇//) ”

____

From then on, my routine slowly changed.

I started staying after class more often to ask teachers questions.

My notebooks became filled with highlighted formulas and messy sticky notes.

Practice worksheets piled higher and higher on my desk.

There were evenings when I sat by the window solving problems while the sky outside slowly turned dark blue.

Calculator beside me.

Scrap paper everywhere.

Sometimes I got stuck on one problem for nearly an hour.

Sometimes I wanted to cry dramatically onto my math textbook.

There were moments when frustration quietly built up inside me while watching other students solve problems so naturally, so effortlessly, as if the answers simply came to them without hesitation.

Meanwhile, I kept getting stuck on the same questions over and over again, rereading formulas until the numbers blurred together on the page.

I couldn’t help feeling a little small compared to them.

A little discouraged.

A little jealous too.(´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

But strangely enough…

I never really wanted to quit.

Because every time I became tired, I remembered that classroom again.

The open windows.

The warm sunlight.

His laughter mixing into the afternoon noise.

And somehow, I kept going.(˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)

_____

The entrance exam day arrived faster than expected.

The classroom felt terrifyingly quiet.

Calculator buttons clicked softly everywhere while students scribbled formulas across rough paper at alarming speeds.

Meanwhile, I spent the first five minutes trying not to panic.

When the results finally came out, students crowded around the hallway immediately.

I squeezed through the crowd nervously.

Then stopped.

…

My name was there!

Near the very bottom of the accepted list.

Very, very bottom.

But still there.

I passed! (๑>◡<๑)

____

Summer break disappeared almost instantly after that.

For three whole months, the competition team trained constantly.

Extra classes.

Practice exams.

Formula sheets.

Endless calculations.

At first, everyone trained together before being split into two separate groups later on.

Honestly, they scared me a little.

Okay, a lot. ヽ(；▽；)ノ

Some of them solved problems so fast it genuinely felt illegal.

Still, I kept studying.

Kept trying.

Little by little, I stopped feeling as lost as before.

Life became busier somehow.

Brighter too.♡

_____

Eventually, the final filtering exam arrived.

This exam would officially separate the advanced track from the calculator track, and also cut down the number of students even further.

I tried my best.

Really.

But when the results came out—

I failed the advanced division spectacularly.

Still, I ranked within the top six students selected for the calculator team.

And honestly?

That already felt unbelievable enough.(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

_____

Right after the final exam, my family headed to the airport to visit my hometown for a few days.

The official results would be announced while I was away.

While waiting for my parents to buy drinks, I sat alone guarding the luggage and absentmindedly unlocked my phone.

Then I stopped.

My math teacher had uploaded graduation photos from the previous year—taken before the high school entrance exams.

His class.

The competition team class.

And there he was again.

In the photo, he was standing near the front beside the teacher while his friends laughed around him.

The sunset lighting made the entire photo glow softly in warm orange colors.

I stared at the screen quietly while airport announcements echoed somewhere nearby.

Then, without realizing it, I tightened my grip on my phone slightly.

Please…

please let me enter that classroom too.

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