The price of a favor

​The café was small and filled with the warm, spicy scent of ginger. Conrad sat across from me looking way too comfortable. Sitting there sparked by a quick reality check.  I’m supposed to be a ghost in Buea, but ghosts don't get invited to drink ginger tea.

​I wasn't just resentful of Conrad and his smooth words, I was resentful of myself. I had spent three years building "a safe distance" between me and the rest of the world. But Conrad didn't care about my rules. He had pushed his way into my space, helping me too many times and made the silence feel reassuring rather than lonely for the first time. I knew it since the start; everything has a price. By accepting his help, I had armed him with strong weapons to break my glass walls and make them soft as paper. Now I need to fix it before anything else get through the crack made by this beautiful stranger.

​"You're very quiet, Moon," he said.

​From now on, each time I heard his voice, it was like a signal to my head to remind me of the dangers behind his smoothness. I didn't reply to his first statement, but could that stop him?

​"if you are done drinking your tea, I can walk you home," he said.

​I nodded in approval, trying as much as possible not to interact too much.

​...The walk home from the café seemed too long and too risky for me. The mist was still there, but it didn't feel like a cold wall anymore because Conrad was standing so close.

​We reached the dark corner near my aunt's house. I stopped suddenly. I couldn't let him see my door; I had to maintain my safe distance.

​"I can go from here," I said, my voice barely a whisper.

​Conrad looked at the heavy rain and then at me. He held the yellow umbrella out, offering it to me. For a second, I reached for it. I wanted to take it. But then I stopped.

​I felt resentful of how much I wanted to accept his help. By taking that umbrella, I would be arming him with a reason to see me again another weapon to break my glass walls. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to owe this "beautiful stranger" anything else.

​"Keep it," I said, stepping out from under the dry circle of the umbrella.

​The cold rain hit my face instantly, but I didn't care. I needed the cold to wake me up from the smoothness of his voice.

​"Moon, wait" he started, but I was already moving.

​"See you tomorrow, Conrad," I called back without looking at him.

​I ran the rest of the way, the water soaking my clothes. When I finally reached my room, I was shivering. I sat on my bed, feeling empty and frustrated. My room was quiet and lonely again. I had kept my safe distance by refusing the umbrella, but as I listened to the rain hit my window, I realized I had paid a different price.

​I was dry of his help, but my heart felt like it was drowning in the crack he had already made.

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