Chapter 4: before dream guy

He didn’t get mad. He didn’t push, didn’t argue, didn’t make me feel bad for saying no. He just pulled back immediately, tucked his hair behind his ear, and smiled that soft, perfect smile that made my heart ache in the best way. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, slow and gentle, like I was something fragile he was scared to break.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby,” he whispered, his voice warm and reassuring. “I’ll wait for you. I’d wait forever if I had to. You’re worth it.”

God. Those words. Back then, they felt like the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me. I left his house that day, sneaking back into my room before my parents even noticed I was gone, and I spent the whole night lying awake, replaying every second in my head. I thought I had found the kindest, most patient, most perfect man in the whole world. I thought he was the lucky one to have me, but truthfully? I was the one who felt like I’d won the lottery.

But before all of this. Before he became the only thing I thought about from the moment I woke up until the moment I fell asleep. Before I started lying, hiding, crying, and changing every part of myself just to fit into his world… I was someone completely different.

I was just a normal girl, yes—but I was living such a good, full life. I was busy. I was driven. I had purpose that had absolutely nothing to do with romance or boys or secret relationships.

I was a young student leader. People actually looked up to me. I was part of the Student Government, sitting in meetings, making decisions, organizing events for the whole school. I was the girl who raised her hand first, the girl who took charge when no one else would, the girl who had a voice and wasn’t afraid to use it.

I volunteered for every community service project there was. I joined every single club you could name—journalism, drama, sports, student council, you name it. I wanted to do everything, be everything, learn everything I possibly could. I was hungry for knowledge, hungry for experience, hungry to make something of myself.

And academically? I was one of the top students in class. Always on the honor roll, always praised by teachers, always held up as an example to the younger students. My parents were so proud of me, my classmates respected me, and everyone knew I was going places. I had discipline. I had focus. I had big, bright dreams for my future—dreams of finishing college, building a career, becoming someone important, someone who made a difference.

I was innocent in the best way possible. My biggest worries back then were exam schedules, project deadlines, and how to lead the student body effectively. I didn’t know what it felt like to cry over someone. I didn’t know what it felt like to wait days or weeks for a text that might never come. I didn’t know what it felt like to be treated like an option, or a secret, or something someone only wanted when they were bored.

I had standards. I had self-respect. I knew what I was worth, and I swore I’d never lower it for anyone or anything. My whole life was laid out in front of me, bright and clear, shining so bright I could see it from miles away.

And then… he walked in.

And just like that, everything changed. Just like that, the leader became a follower.

The smart girl who aced every test and led meetings became stupid in love, blind to every red flag, blind to every truth staring her right in the face. The girl who had the whole world at her feet suddenly thought her whole world was just one man.

I dimmed my own light just so I could shine brighter for him. I stopped joining activities because I wanted to be free whenever he called. I stopped studying as hard because my mind was always on him. I gave away pieces of who I was, one by one, slowly, willingly, just to fit into the shape he wanted me to be.

I traded my bright, beautiful, perfect life for stolen moments, hidden texts, and scraps of attention. And at sixteen, I thought it was the best trade I ever made.

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