two

When I returned back I wanted to give Nathan a surprise.

my.... had I known I would get a major bomb explode on me I would have waited back in my college satisfied with the letters I was receiving.

I could hear everyone whisper when I entered my block.

"she is back, does she not know? After so many years? Did she come to visit?"

They whispered behind my back, I hated that the most those people with thier vile mouth... no one helped me when I was an orphan these same people who had wished me when I left the city were the ones who spoke behind my back before and yet now it's the same cycle but what are the whispers about?...I just wanted to go and give Nathan a big hug, but I never got to do it,

As soon as I reached I knocked at the door, none answered I knocked on again.... the windows were open so I hoped that he would open the door,  since no one answered I had to go to the monastery to meet the father who had taken care of me and even Nathan at one point...

When I saw father Xavier I was almost in tear he was in his late fifties but he did not even seem to age a bit...his eyes were a little tired but he always looked like that with his brownish-black cassock, he walked towards me he did not seem very happy when he saw me though,

"father aren't you pleased to see me?" I asked

"Am I not? How can I not be" he said patting my back

"Am I seeing a successful individual thriving her dreams right before me?" He questioned me in a musical tune

"Thriving? I'm not so sure father but has got A job? yes I've got that" I said and laughed.

After that We met everyone and had lunch yeah some special treatment isn't that allowed I don't really know....but only for the fact that I grew up there.

then we went out for a walk in the garden it was close to the lake so when we were walking down the path I asked

"How has Nathan been?" He paused as he was walking

I turned back, and then said "are you listening to me father? How has Nathan been?"

He looked at me and said "could you wait here for a bit?" He did not answer me,

'Ahh father doesn't seem to be in a good mood did Nathan say something?' Is what Amber wondered.

I nodded my head and waited leaning on the fence and staring at the lake

When father came back he handed me a package...and keys

"What's this father??"

"Open this when u get home, those are the keys.to the house Nathan gave them to me, I don't think I'll be able to say it"

"What about Nathan? Do you know where he is?"

"....."

"Fa.." I was interrupted when a young brother stepped out and called out to the father and called him back

"I have to go now Amber take care and come to me as soon as you understand the situation"

The situation?? I wonder what.

When I went home It was as usual, I was so happy to be back the house was the same!

Nothing had changed not even my room but besides for the fact that it didn't have the same warm feeling, it was a bit cold, I went and sat on my bed which was clean, nothing was moved not even my books I made the heating on, I threw the suitcases and leaned back and slept on the bed, I opened the small pakage when I saw that there were 3 letters.

As I said,  He would send me letters, I wanted to ask him why letters and not texts, I had so many questions for him, so much to tell him!

but when I read the first letter everything fell apart everything! my hands trembled, it was all a joke wasn't it?? like he always does?! this has to be one! a big FAT Lie!

but my mind could not help but overthink all the possibilities and that if it was true! then all the "WHAT IF'S" started running wild in my head.

If at that time if I knew why he laughed, why he kissed me, what he had muttered to himself then I wouldn't have to go through what I am going through right now, I wouldn't have felt the regret I'm feeling, I would have my only friend right next to me, he would've been here with me,

I know you said that it's not my fault, but that guilt, all those burdens I gave you!

weren't they supposed to be mine? And yet you held them for me, and never spoke about yours! It would have been better If god would had...!'

God... is he even there? Do u really even exist? Isn't it your job to help us? Then where do you go when we have no will, where do you go when we need you the most? When I need you the most! My whole life I believed in you! Even when I was orphaned, even when I struggled financially, the one thing in my whole universe the one thing I ever depended on you took him away! Why do you all do this to me! What have I ever done! Do I not deserve this life?!  Do I not belong here?!

...****************...

What was written in those letters as to make Amber believe that Nathan killed himself?

She thought she knew everything about him, yet when she read the contents of the letters she broke down In cold tears her hands tremble and her heart ached, "will" he said what about her "will" she thought.

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