Emotional Me

I used to share a family with seven members, now three. Apart from me Papa, Mom, two sisters, one brother and grandmother. My elder sister and me, both were born when my father was rich. She was two years older than me and then me. My younger sister was four years younger than me and the brother eight years. Me and Dee were the kids for whom our parents were concerned. We had a good schooling, good life, social connections with powerful people and administrative bodies kids and a happy life.

At age of eleven we had gone through financial loss phase and we came to earth and shifted to village. My father was okay with that and we were super excited to see village. Fields with wheat corps, sugarcane, our family members from father's brotherhood all was so fantastic. But soon we started abusing learning from village kids. We were loosing moral ethics and developing a new personality of village kids. Some were good but we enjoyed bad. Now my father was concerned and he decided to admit me in a missionary school near about twenty kilometers from our place. Papa was looking for a new thing to settle for finances and I was suffering from how to go to school. School buses were not coming to our village at that time and Papa decided to fix a person for my daily school duty. It went for a year and then the person left.

It was again a challenge. My sister was going to a local school nearby but Papa was more possessive for me and he didn't allow me to go there. I used to feel emotional because all the person whom I know and feel like they could be my friends were in the local school.But it was not going to happen. So, in the lack of competition and friends I turned to be a shy and socially disconnected person at the time till tenth. My family was made of more female members and my life was shaped by them and I had more female connections than men. It was not also so bad at all. I learnt how to be humble and caring like female emotions.

So, the first girl in my life was a beautiful girl whom I dreamt that day. She had some sparks. Her malish voice, her confidence, her face everything was just astonishing. I met her first time when she was little like in sixth. She was a person of attraction among girls and boys and everyone wanted to talk to her. My routine was strict so I only watched her playing with my sister. I used to feel sad watching her and not to be with her. But my father...he wanted me to study all day and released me for 1 hour at evening to play. I was also not so smart as other boys. I was not charming, only people knew that I

was good in study. My cousin brother was always with her all day. Even my childhood friend Sonu used to play tennis with her and he was so good in that that he started impressing her.

One day she came to me and asked hey...wanna play ?

I wanted to but couldn't. I replied as a no. She asked okay so what are you studying?

I showed her my English book and the story about an emperor who was fooled by some cunning people and in the end he went to the whole city without clothes.

She laughed a lot and that made me realised that I have fallen for her and if she became my wife I will keep her this happy always.

What else you do? She asked.

I do drawings. I replied.

'' Ooh wow, I also love drawings.'She was enjoying the time with me.

'' Ooh really, Let me show my drawings.'' I was excited

I had made some rabbits, a hunter and some trees recently. So, I showed that to her. In return she burst into laughter.

'What, why are you laughing?' I thought I again have made her happy or my drawings are funny and I don't know that.

' We used to made these kind of drawings when we were in nursery. ' She was still making me inferior.

'So what kind of drawings you make now?' I asked with my sad and angry voice.

'I use to make paintings now, with real things. We use papers and painting kits.' She was adding more things that I haven't heard before.

'Okay, I will love to see that. ' I was eager.

' Sure, so come some day to my home.I will show you.' She invited.

' I can't say for sure but wil try.' I was thinking of plans.

' Why...I don't see you often playing also. Why you don't get time? She asked.

' My father is very strict.' I replied sadly.

' Ooh Okay then...try if you can manage.Bye.' She left.

I took a deep breath.

My father and I were sitting under Ashoka Tree. He was listening to the chapters I learnt from Srimad Bhagavadgita.

I was on chapter two.

' So, Krishna said that there are two ways by which people can achieve Moksha. Gyanayoga and Karmyoga.

Arjuna asked but which way is better?

Krishna replied ' Both ways are better. But due to the responsibilities ahead in the world I personally believe that Karmayoga is better.

Arjun asked ' So, how is this Karmyogya better?

Krishna replied ' We can't ignore karma when we are on earth. Knowingly or unknowingly we do Karmas when we are alive. Sleeping, sitting, eating , breathing... everything is Karma. But we should do Karma without taking the pressure of results. A Person should remain same in all conditions in sorrow, in happiness, in pain everytime.

I heard the snoring sound of my father. He was slept.I said slowly ' Papa, I discussed all of second chapter.'

He was still sleeping. I planned to escape. But then I thought what if he will know later.

I repeated louder again ' Papa, ho gya second chapter.

He said '' Umm...hmmm okay. Go then.''

He wanted the sleep badly.

I ran like a rocket and landed to her home.

Her aunty was at home.

After touching her aunt's feet, I asked her if Swati was there. She called her.

For a half an hour, she discussed how I am intelligent and so good in study with Swati.

Inner me was sounding that how dumb I am and I am nothing compare to my classmates. But if someone is praising, take it.

Swati came with a big painting of Maa Durga she had made a day ago.

' I was like Wow, what a painting. ' I was really impressed

and thinking that now I understand why she was laughing like this.

For the next hour , we discussed how she make these paintings. I listened her and getting fallen for her with her every words.

I returned to home with so many ideas and her smile.

With my study routine, I was thinking of plans to meet her again in the playground. But in the evening I didn't get enough time.

The next day, I was again sitting with my father with Geeta chapter three.

I was explaining how Krishna was saying that everything was his part once, and in the end it will again go inside him. Arjuna has taken birth several times but he doesn't know and Krishna knows. Whenever the Dharma collapses and Adharma increases he takes birth and again organise Dharma on the land.

Papa was again snoring. It was again time to escape. I ran and reached her home.

Her grandmother opened the gate.

' Where is Swati?' I asked directly.

' They have gone.' She replied.

' Gone, where? I asked.

' Her holidays was over, so she returned to her place. ' And that made me panick.

I came back with heavy heart. At least I should have been said good bye. I have no phone number of her. My heart was crashed a bit. But it was good that atleast I talked to her for some time.

I remembered Geeta Shloka...The person who remains same in sorrow and happiness is a true Karmayogi. I grasped it in my mind and went to my studies again.

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