Nightmare

It was 12:30 in the night. I saw myself climbing on my bed and tying rope in the fan. And suddenly I took the rope in my neck and jumped from stool. I was suffocating. I was going out of life slowly and when I was going to die, I woke up.

I was wet with sweat and searched for my water bottle. Drinking all the water in one sip, I tried relaxing myself. It was march few months back and my younger sister has committed suicide hanged her to death. That was a thing which I never accepted in my life. It was a shock to all my family. I never bear the pain of the moment. Hearing the word from my mom that your sister is no more, it was never acceptable. She was only twenty two and she had a world to see. She was learning the things of cruel world but she surrendered.I could have tell her how people reacts. I could have given her more time. I never bought a gift for her. Apart from being younger sister she always sacrificed. My money issues, my little things she always cared and I had left her with nothing.

I was living full of guilt and ignoring her thought because I couldn't make that process in my mind. I wanted to heal but this was making me sick. She had called me once and said how she is feeling with people she is living there. How they are torturing her everyday and I told her ' Once you feel like you are loosing yourself, you are in a wrong place.' We have to search people like ourselves and leave the places where this is not. I myself had gone through this for a year when I was with my friends. I suffered bullying, their taunt over my financial condition and I was in depression. Later with life I realised that I was in a wrong place. If I am a singer, I should go to a place where singers exist. These management dudes can find you disorganised. Vice versa. And later in my life, I found people who were like me. I always felt angry why she didn't think about that for once.

I thought about my father who was going through a lot. She was his favourite kid. In this age she turned into a journalist. She had written hundreds articles and Papa was proud of her. And he was broken now. I knew that I couldn't share his pain. I offered him several times to join me at my place but he denied to come. Every month he cries on the same date for whole day and don't eat. Life had moved all of a sudden. For me it took whole month to realise I am dreaming or this is a reality. My mother she lost her hope in life and doing things only to engage herself.

In life there are consequences of every little actions. Two years ago, it was different. I shared a happy family. I had a charming girlfriend and I was living in a city of dream 'Mumbai'. I was in love with my childhood classmate and we both were living our dreams in a relationship and also in our daily life. My family didn't liked her but I was mad on her and obsessed too. But the consequences had left me fucked up.

What are the consequence? How it occurred? Let's talk about this.

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