Chapter 2 : Floating through the day

One of the most profound teachings of Taoism is to not resist the flow of events. One must adopt the principles of water, floating along the paths it created and becoming strong when faced with resistance. I had decided that this is how each day must pass for me. It is okay to exist, just breathing in air, observing surroundings, interacting with close ones and writing more letters for him. I had spend days pondering about the purpose of my existence and what great things shall I achieve in future. To achieve all that, I need to start working hard to meet the goal.

However, if I starve for my art, I stop living today. I wrote to him about my dilemma, mentioning that I am worried if I will never come around and fail to meet societal expectations of a well secured future. He replied, "You shall come around, whenever you want to. One must not be worried or anxious about the future. Do little everyday. Take baby steps. And it is okay to fall back. You are still young and you are learning. You will get there eventually."

It is these little things about him that truly mattered to me. Gentle, reassuring words that he wrote were like warm hugs to me. More than any romantic element, it was humanity and compassion. I appreciated that about him a lot. I went on, like a piece of wood floating on a river by exchanging letters with him. Instead of calling each other through video, we would send each other pictures. How elated I would feel going through his pictures, his innocent smile and his bright eyes the color of honey. We helped each other make meaning out of our mundane lives. We received each other's letters every three days. We were never tired to write and write for each other. His letters were the flame to my candle wick. I was existing all along, sometimes in misery, sometimes in pain , sometimes in happiness, pondering about life. Now he was brightening up my days like no other human being has ever done before. Love was the last thing on my mind. I was grateful for the company. He was, too. Nothing would go wrong in April. It was only the beginning of a ride I was never prepared for. It is hard for me to remember all the details of every single thing about our conversations because I burnt all those letters later on. Around nine months later.

April was warm and bright. Not too bright, just comfortable enough for the eyes. That is exactly how he was like to me.

"There was a time when my friends and I would cut classes and roam around at the lake behind our university. I have attached a picture of all of us sitting on top of some rocks here. I was so carefree and happy those days. I was not worried about a job or money or anything whatsoever. Now fatigue and job stress have not just affected me mentally but physically too. This was four years ago by the way."

My eyes grazed through the smiling faces of four young men and a girl. I spotted him almost immediately. His face was etched with a big smile and his body looked tinier. He looked fragile and I could feel myself wanting to give him a tight hug. He had graduated college and is working now. I was still in college. Just second year. An age gap of five years never bothered us. We were just two adults bonding over music and life through letters. He had a beard now. His eyes had lost some of its shine. But his smile remained as beautiful and bright as ever. I felt the overwhelming desire to make him happy. His carefully crafted face with his delicate features hypnotized me. I was already stuck in his web. I never knew that he did not intend for me to get stuck in his web.

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