episode 2

"I am still waiting but with no hopes to meet you but to see your face for the very last time in this short lifetime".

maybe u still don't know that I am leaving and even if you know I guess there would not much of a difference.

I always thought that I would not be able to see a warm and gentle smile hung upon your lips but you proved me wrong. "u smiled for the first time ever so gently but the only difference is that the person you smiled for was not me". seeing this unknowingly a lone tear escaped from my eyes. maybe I become too ignorant that I can not see the reality clearly .....and now when I want to see it these tears are being stubborn and did not allow me to see you and your partner clearly.... maybe they still do not want me to accept the hurtful truth and want my eyes to keep waiting for you in solitude even when there is no light left...

I always know that the end of the rope which I was holding so dearly never belongs to me in the first place.seems like the dream of living a simple and contentful life with you will only remain a dream which I now cherish in my imagination.

it's been about a year since the last time I see you and also the last few months of peace for my depleting health rate. doctors are still consoling me that they would save me .they think that I don't know about my situation. maybe they think I am not mentally strong to accept it or maybe they are afraid that other patients in the hospital digonised with the same illness as me will feel down and dishearten if they got to know about my condition. but all I know is that now I have maximum of one month to live on.

and what's more funny is that I have no one... not even a single person to take my corpse to my grave. actually thinking of it I never dreamt about dying while living with you and now ....you will not even get the air of my departure.

all these years that I loved you were hard to live but now without you it feels numb inside maybe the after affects of excessive love.

I feel very lonely sitting here all day just looking outside the window ...and breathing which also become very hard now a days.. doctors said that one of the arteries of my heart has blocked due to which I am not getting sufficient oxygen.... how funny ? as if this illness is less of a burden to me God thought to surprise me with a gift so that I can come to him a little early. whatever the problems are I do not even care anymore. everyone has to die one day. "I am just an unlucky soul who has to leave a bit early than others ".

the Gardner here in the hospital has planted a lot of jasmines and there fragrance reminds me of our wedding venue. everyone was happy excluding you and everything was beautiful except........... for my face in your eyes ...

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