Bored

Eating breakfast,

Taking a bath,

Set up my laptop for my online class,

Discussion the whole day,

Making lessons and presentations for tomorrow's class,

Check assessments of the students,

Write stories for a while,

Eat dinner,

Do night hygiene,

Sleep,

Wake up early in the morning,

Eat breakfast,

Taking a bath,

Set up my laptop for my online class,

Discussion the whole day,

Making lessons and presentations for tomorrow's class,

Check assessments of the students,

Write stories for a while,

Eat dinner,

Do night hygiene,

Sleep,

Wake up early in the morning,

Eat breakfast,

Taking a bath,

Set up my laptop for my online class,

Discussion the whole day,

Making lessons and presentations for tomorrow's class,

Check assessments of the students,

Write stories for a while,

Eat dinner,

Do night hygiene,

Sleep,

Wake up early in the morning,

Eat breakfast...

These things happen every day, nothing new, just a cycle of these. I am getting bored of my life, after almost four years of being alone and busy with work, I didn't pay attention to anything but these things.

I have a family, a healthy and happy family. We love each other, and I am thankful for that. I graduated my studies without any romantic relationship maybe because I focused too much on my studies that I neglected the enjoyment that I may have in getting a romantic partner. Although there are few suitors, I decided to shoo them away and continuously reject them.

After graduating, I got a boyfriend but it was lacking. Our relationship is lacking and yeah, I am the one who has the problem. I don't know how to love. I don't know if I am feeling it but I don't want to admit or all I was feeling is really nothing.

I tried so hard to hold the relationship but just after three months of trying, I failed. We broke up after three months and my life just went back to its original cycle.

I tried watching romantic dramas and even looking for couples who are enjoying their lives having a partner, but all I got is just a feeling of curiosity and questions built up in my mind.

What is the feeling of having a boyfriend?

What is the feeling of being in the arms of your partner?

What is the feeling of being kissed by your boyfriend?

What is the feeling of being hugged and protected by him?

How can I find the feeling of being loved and in love?

I did not know if I am just scared of things or I am just a numb organism living a boring life.

I just want to know the feeling, is it really true that when you are in love, you are feeling like you are on cloud nine like what some say? Is it true that when you are kissing the one you love, your stomach will feel like there are butterflies inside? Is it true that when you are in love with someone, no matter what happens, you can do whatever it takes for him/her?

How? How can I feel those things?

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