- Six Forty Seven - & - Heart-Shaped Box -

\-CHAPTER FIVE\-

\-Six Forty Seven\-

Warning! This chapter includes heavy topics: suicidal thoughts, self harm, eating disorders, and self devaluation

I bite my tongue.

That gross time-freezing feeling struck me again.

The futile attempts to breathe in full being repulsively obstructed by an emptiness in my chest and stomach, arousing the need to vomit.

JoJo stares at me and I feel my heartbeat in the pit of my stomach.

Not out of fear like I’m scared, but out of fear that he’s disgusted by me, by what I’ve let myself become. This disgusting waste of a person.

——

I fear that one day, even JoJo will hate me.

One day I’ll fail to convince myself that anyone loves me anymore.

That’s the worst feeling, the emptiness in your heart that you begin to feel after being held under a breathtaking pressure for so long; like you’re being crushed under an inevitable weight..

It’s ironic, but the darkness spreads like wildfire across my brain, thought consuming darkness that arouses the whispers in my mind.

——

Those thoughts arise eventually.

The ones that tell you how little you’re worth and how little you’ll be missed by anyone if you do it.

——

‘Cut again and again until you feel wanted.

Kill yourself!

Do it, no one cares, JoJo doesn’t care, Mr. Joestar doesn’t care.

Maybe if you went through with it, your father would actually be proud of you!’

——

Imagine being coerced into suicide via your own subconscious, JoJo.. Pitiful isn’t it..?

Imagine feeling so small and helpless that your last site for help is calling out for your step brother’s help, but he can’t hear you, your pleas, your begs for mercy from whatever or whoever maybe out there.

Imagine being so far gone that the last thing you remember is the time you woke up: 06:47.

——

I look for JoJo, but I can’t see.

He speaks, but I can’t hear.

Our fingers tangle in a dance that I can’t feel.

I try to scream for him to help, but I can’t speak.

My nose is fine, but I can’t smell.

I bite at something that I can’t taste.

I can’t..

I can’t..

I can’t..

I can’t..

I can’t..

I can’t..

….

\-CHAPTER SIX\-

\-Heart\-Shaped Box\-

"Dio..?"

"Dio, wake up!"

"DIO!"

——

My eyes shoot open at the sound of JoJo's voice.

I look around the room only to realise that I'm no longer in the nurse's office.

It smells oddly clean, but the bright lights in the room are just as blinding as before.

A sickeningly sweet, yet chemical prominent scent is present in the air; though it's faint, I can still smell it.

Floor cleaner, likely Fabuloso— I'd know it anywhere.

——

That gross, nauseating, fruity, flowery, chemical-filled stench of floor cleaner getting closer and drawing into my room like a disgusting air freshener.

Dio repellent.

——

“J-JoJo..? Are you there..?”

My hand is gently grabbed, warm fingers intertwining with my own.

“Yes, I’m here, Dio.. Father is on his way..”

JoJo’s thumb caresses the back of my hand, rubbing gentle circles across my skin. His other hand runs through my hair, massaging my scalp.

“I love you, Dio… I promise to protect you no matter what, never leaving your side ever…

I’ll personally get rid of anyone who tries to separate us or even dare to hurt you..”

Jonathan’s face is strikingly close to my own as we look into each other’s eyes.

I find myself getting so lost in the deep blue oasis, that I barely notice the space closing between us as JoJo presses his lips to mine.

Amateur mouths moving together in an awkward sync, slowly turning more comfortable as the moment continues.

Hands run down my damaged arms, half-lidded eyes staring into each other as JoJo separates from me, a thin strand of salivia still connecting us until JoJo licks it away from my lower lip, his own lip follows.

"I love you, Dio," He repeats through shallow panting, releasing my arms from his gentle grip.

I don't know how to respond.

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