PROLOGUE

I had my recent panic attack. I had difficulty in breathing and I was all cold and crying because that's one of my first and foremost reactions to everything and It felt like my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen. It was scary, I was all blank but I was all fine after crying for 25 mins.

I didn't know it was a panic attack until my therapist told me so. I had this feeling after a hug from one of my old classmates. It wasn't the first time I've been hugged. As a matter of fact, I love hugs, it's just that I rarely hug people and I don't remember when was the last time I hugged someone.

So.... My therapist told me it is one of my Symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). As the name states, it's the after-effect of a trauma. Now which one are we talking about? I haven't had any recent trauma. I mean I do have a traumatic life altogether but nothing specific. And here my therapist wants me to find out which one of them it is so that it can be cured accordingly.

I told him it was too much effort for this little brain of mine and he just started at me.

So my task is to reel back into my own past to pinpoint the trauma due to which I flinch at the slightest sudden touches. Nothing exaggerated. I do shake hands with people. But if I'm not prepared for it I flinch.

My therapist is a funny person, I don't doubt his ability but he has forced me to be his patient. I mean I didn't even know I wanted therapy. It's just that one fine day, I was talking to this person and he started pointing out things that are supposed to be abnormal.

I sometimes think he just uses his degree to make me feel bad about my life.

He calls my uneasiness of talking to people a social anxiety disorder (SAD - it does make me sad). I laughed at him and again he just stared at me. This person gets his point validated with just a stare. He doesn't even have to talk.

So this social anxiety disorder is all about fear or not being comfortable with talking to strangers. Does this thing have a name? And it is a medical condition? I didn't need this information.

So starting from my social anxiety disorder this person has reached my PTSD. His ABCDs are going to suck the last bit of hope from my life.

With lots of peeping in the past and peeks into the doors that I have shut forever, I landed at the doorstep of one such event which was locked as soon as it had happened and locked forever.

And I had forgotten it with time. I never looked back at it, like it never happened at all. But my Disorders analyst blamed it on this incident.

Great!

Now I'll have to think about it.

Doesn't he get the point when I stress that it was locked instantly and forever means I never want to look back at it?

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