My MT Lover

Dear Diary,

I'm a long-time reader of stories from Mangatoon and this is the first time I'm sharing my experience using this social media platform. Mangatoon is like my escape from the chaos of the world, here, while reading myriad stories from different writers, I can at least feel at home. This is where I ran from reality, where stories I read here are more realistic than my real world.

Aside from reading manga, chat stories, and novels, I also joined numerous GCs or fan groups. It is one of the platform's features to make users communicate with other readers or writers from different countries. In there, we spend time chit-chatting on random topics, sharing thoughts and dreams, and even playing virtual games like truth or dare and many more. I so love Mangatoon more than any social media platform I have.

I'm also active in all those GCs but there's this one particular GC to me that is so precious to my heart. I'll hide it in the name of Cupid's Lair Group. This GC is so special to me because this is where I met my closest friends from various countries. I'm also one of the admins in that group which makes me love it more than any group I have. And lastly, this is the GC where I met Alex.

Alex is a Filipino MT user. Like me, he also loves spending time browsing Mangatoon by reading manga and sending funny memes in our common GC, Cupid's Lair. He also sometimes joins the games when he's not busy and even sends his audio message singing some famous songs from Spotify and sometimes even unfamiliar songs. He was so witty and funny to be with, and the first thing I learned is that I'm falling in love with him.

One time when we were playing truth or dare in GC, it was my turn I chose to dare. Lulu, one of my closest friends dare me to flirt with Alex for 24hrs. To be honest, I was really shy to accept the dare but I was also very excited about the idea of flirting with him. At first, I chat with him in private, or what we called here "PC" Private Chat. I told him about the dare I got and he just cracked up and said that it was all fine with him to flirt with me. That time, I feel so relieved and was so happy to talk to him in private.

That night, I started to message him privately with casual conversation and ask him some personal things. I can still remember his replies and our conversation.

"That's nice. So what's your favorite genre then?" I asked shyly. Trying to prolong the boring talk we started.

"Hmm, adventure and manhua 😉" he replied so snappy, "Is this how you flirt with me? C'mon, let's make it more interesting. So do you have a boyfriend or someone special now?" he asked frankly.

I was so tense to reply and tell him the truth but I still managed to reply sounding confident. "I don't have a boyfriend even though I have a lot of suitors from here and outside the MT. But yes, I have someone special in my heart that I adored not so long ago." I answered candidly.

"Is he from MT?" he asked. At that moment, I can feel the outpouring beat of my heart.

"Yes. He's from MT and he's also in Cupid's Lair GC." I responded ostensibly.

"Now I'm so jealous. Who's the lucky guy who catches your heart?" I know he was just teasing me but I feel urgent to confess to him bout my feelings. But I also have to keep it secret. At least that time.

"I guess he is indeed a lucky guy but I'm still hoping that he also likes me back." calming myself and keeping reticent.

"How I wish it was me then" he just answered. I was so confused. Does he teasing me and doing it for my dare or was he telling me such serious things because he means it?

"Alex, do you like me? Are you serious about asking me that thing?" I asked. I can't help myself asking him these things bothering me now. Likewise, I was so eager to know the truth.

"Yes, I mean, I have a crush on you a lot. I like you," he replied quickly.

I was shocked. Astounded by what he said. Is this for real? I can't help myself from widely smiling alone in my room while chatting with him. It took me a few seconds or minutes before I replied to him.

"Alex" I can't construct the phrases or sentences that I want to convey. I was so eager to confess my feelings for him. Willing to take risks and consequences of what might happen next. "It is you. The one I was talking about. The one who took my heart in the MT world." I explained.

"Is that true, babe? I mean, you like me back then?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes, Alex. I like you so much. I don't know how it all started but I was falling for you deeply day by day." I may look pathetic for confessing feelings for a foreign guy but I know that my affection for him is true. That it is not just simple liking or having a crush on him, but I know I'm in love. I love Alex.

Starting that night we stayed up so late, exchanging words of endearment, sharing thoughts and experiences in life. We were so alike, from simple things like our favorite foods, genres of music and films, and hobbies. We also used to have a call sign endearment like a real lover do. We call each other "babe" even though we are not officially committed to each other yet. Fling partners, that's what we are. But who cares? Does it even matter? I'll be fine with that as long as we have this mutual understanding. That we both like each other.

Days passed instantaneously so as my feelings for him. I love him deeper each day that passed. My days are not complete without his presence, without him texting me or sending audio records of himself singing love songs, serenading me with his voice so sweet. The voice he used to call my name. The voice I always heard saying to me the words "I love you".

It was late May when he started to get busy because of work. He said that he might not be able to message me frequently in the coming days because of an overload of paperwork. I understood that because I know how hard it is in an office works. I also considered our time zones with almost half of the day difference. Patiently waiting for his PC whenever he's visiting some GCs, especially in Cupid's Lair. Not even obliged or ask him to spend time with me at night even though I was dying to hear his voice again. I understood everything about him.

One night, in early June, I visited Cupid's Lair GC but didn't join their games or even in their chitchat. I just don't feel like joining, I guess I wasn't in the mood to show my presence in any GCs. I was just reading their endless talks about random things. What captures my attention was that one unfamiliar member sent an audio record in GC. "🖤Kraft💀". That was the name of that member. Then someone named "🖤CoOkiEs💀" replied complimenting the audio record sent in the GC.

Perhaps they're lovers in MT. I thought to myself. Assuming that they're MT lovers because of their couple profile photos and even their ID names. Kraft is the company name of Oreo wherein Oreo is a chocolate cookie. How sweet. I feel like longing more for Alex just thinking about these two MT couples.

Out of curiosity, I tapped the audio record sent by "🖤Kraft💀" in GC to listen. To my surprise, I heard a very familiar voice singing the English version of a Korean song. I tapped it again to listen carefully to that voice. I was so sure that it was the voice of Alex. But I was so confused and in denial of what I heard. How come? How does it happen? To confirm if it is him, I stalked the profile of "🖤Kraft💀" and tapped the chat button. I was astounded yet wrecked-hearted when I saw our last conversations. He was indeed Alex. He just changed his profile photo and ID name. He changed it after that girl named "🖤CoOkiEs💀" whose profile photo and ID name did too.

"Why Alex? Why?" I mumbled. Tears started to drift from my cheeks. I questioned myself many times while crying. Where did I go wrong? Am I not sweet and caring? Did I say or do wrong? Why so suddenly change? I thought you were so in love with me. I thought you were so busy with work to save money for your Visa once you visit me here in our country. Where are all those plans and promises now? I can find no answer to my questions.

"Hi, babe how are you? I badly missed you." I messaged him an hour after I cried. "You change your pfp and ID name huh?" I added. I was trying to test him if he'll tell me what he was going through. I waited for his reply but he didn't message me that night. Maybe he's already busy. I don't know.

The next day, I received a message from him. He just said that he was so busy with work. He even barely calls me "babe" in chats. I don't even receive any audio record from him. Not even heart stickers or emojis. He treated me cold day by day and it hurts me like my heart was continuously stabbed by him. I wasn't active in GCs after that moment I discovered what he did but I still monitor them whenever they talked in GCs. I was silently reading their sweet conversations in GC. Yet his only excuse is that he was so busy with work every time I asked and messaged him.

I was dumped by my MT lover. He may not be telling it to me directly but his actions speak louder than any words to describe it. I feel pity for myself for loving him. I even came to the point of thinking to change my approach to him. To be more submissive like a daring seductive woman to their man. But I resented that idea. Loving him was a mistake, I guess. And doing such things might make it more complicated knowing the fact that we are not officially in a relationship.

"Can we talk? I just want to ask you about that girl named Cookies. What are you two up to? I want to make things clear once and for all. Please reply if you read this." I messaged him one night. I guess I still have the right to ask such things.

"I told you, I was so busy and had no time for PC. About Cookies, she is only my friend like a flirty partner but only in GC. It was also a dare that we need to use a couple PFPs." he answered but I didn't bother to respond.

I was so confused and still puzzling in my mind. He keeps on denying their relationship even if I hold a lot of evidence. I wasn't that active on GCs that's why I guess he wasn't aware that I always read their sweet talks in GC. My heart still aches just thinking about him with another girl in the group. I want to help myself to get over him. To forget about us. To remind me of my worth. I don't deserve to be dumped and fooled by someone who cowardly hides his smelly actions.

Up to this moment, I'm still hoping that he realized what he has done to me. He still keeps on denying things but I started to love myself more than anything. I just need a proper closure to help myself heal. It still hurts, but I know everything will be fine soon little by little.

^^^Love,^^^

^^^Mistake^^^

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