1st Memoir – Chapter 2 Why am I livid?

I heard Alex call out to me, but I was too mad to look back. It is now almost midnight; I have calmed down but sleep still eludes me. I give up on the thought of sleep and got up. Why was I so livid? Why was I so worked up? She is probably confused due to my outburst, heck! I don’t even know why I was so irritated.

Then I suddenly remember seeing them enter the coffeeshop the other day, the scene keeps repeating in my head. I was just passing by, thinking of the errand I must run for Mom.  I saw them walking on the other side of the alley, Mark with this smug look on his face. I keep my gaze at them, and this guy keeps moving his arm as if debating to rest it on her shoulder or not. I wanted to cross the street at that point and pull her away but then he stopped his hand midway. Just when I have barely stopped myself from marching towards them, this guy touched her back as he guides her into the shop. How dare he have the audacity to touch her!

A car honked at me as I immediately crossed the alley, but I kept my gaze fixed on them. I see them from glass wall as they stood at the counter. Alex was smiling at him! She looks like she is enjoying his company. At this point I had to stop myself from pulling her away with me. She obviously wanted to spend time with him, I supposed Mark did not force her in any way to come. Had I acted rashly as I always do, I can imagine her shouting, “Stop it Enzo!” Those words would always have me reeled in. Each time I see her beautiful but expressionless poker face as she put a damper on my temper; my anger is replaced by worry that she will like me less and how I will never see the end of it once we get home.

Objectively thinking about it, Mark is not a bad guy. He is quite sociable and friendly. He isn’t that bad academically as well; I mean he has good grades. He looks decent, tidy and almost as tall as me. I even know some girls who are into him. If anything, I am more troublesome than this guy. So, if Alex actually likes him, I should be fine with that. But why do I get this nagging feeling that I am not fine with that? I want to perish the thought that they could be together, I mean I did not even know that Alex was into him. Unlike me, she never tells me anything.

I guess what made me mad is that she spent time with Mark, and yet she was avoiding me. She said she did not want to lose her focus in studying so she cannot hangout with me. But why was she inconsistent? Why she can spare some time for him but not for me? And she was happy about it! She was smiling at him! Has she ever smiled that sweetly to me? She has not smiled that cutely at me! Her pearly whites and dimple on her right cheek showing, her eyes crinkling, her head slightly inclined… She looked so adorable…

That night I received some serious blasting from Mom for I have completely forgotten to fetch the dry clean. And the next morning, my Dad was also giving me a stern look. He went to work wearing jeans. I apologized to them profusely, I know I should do the same to Alex.

The signs that this is going to be a shitty day are showing, I feel depressed for no clear reason, I see rain clouds hovering over me. I spoke softly to Mom, “Mom, I’m leaving… I won’t forget the dry clean this time.” As I walked out of the house, each step seemed heavier than the next. Ahhhh! I want to skip school so badly today, but I shouldn’t. I shake this feeling of lethargy and waved at Mr. Cruz, the neighbor across the street as I go out the gate. As I turned to my right, and he was there! The object of my fury.  He smiled at Alex and opened his car’s passenger door for her and then quickly drove off. I just stood there feeling even more livid than before.

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