2

They used to say that a good person gets good things. But now I see it is most difficult for a good person to get good things. I can't find a guy of my choice. I don't know why I was relying on Facebook for marriage. Every guy's account says single. But in reality no one is single. Subir is fine. I would love to marry him. But he smokes and drinks. Both these habits can be a problem for him and me in the future. Though future is uncertain. u can't tell what happens to who. even a non smoker or non drinker can have a big health issue. but I am hesitant. he doesn't live in Birnagar. I wanted to marry a guy of my area. but no guy wanted to date me after they got jobs. those guys who want a maid for a wife are approaching me. or those who can't find any other guy. those guys who no other girl talk to. I am quite under confident. and maybe that's prominent in my behaviour. because many guys have previously mentioned this. guys like confident women. and I am not that. I always wanted to date/marry a guy who works in the army. the body, hairstyle, discipline, something about it used to attract me. most of these guys would like a girl who can cook, take care of his family and the children. I tried to send friend request to too many guys. some accepted, some didn't. those who did, still didn't give me much importance. they wouldn't react to my posts or stories and not even view my stories. obviously they were not interested. I as a girl trying to persuade, chasing so many guys. it looks disgusting. and I don't even know what I am running after. I don't know what kind of guy that is. there can be many issues. it happened too many times that I persuaded a guy and later found out that he was problematic or not good enough. I either have very bad judgement, choice or I chase for the thrill and not a relationship. every time I chased a guy, I regretted. Ajay, Suman, Sajib, Pabitra, Biswajit, Iswar. I could have saved myself a lot of drama only if I had done nothing. I have bad choice. I chase below average guys, those who are sure to respond. and it's not always for relationship. it's for attention, validation. Opening a Facebook account was a big mistake. I did this because my friend told me. also I was looking for a particular guy who I thought was in love with me. this thought that someone likes me, loves me, dying to talk to me. this has ruined me a lot. I used to re open those online dating apps very frequently. this was my thought. that someone loves me, is missing me. I wish I had never opened this Facebook account. I wish there was only one guy in my life. I am so confused. I don't want any of them to be angry at me. it is a very bad thought. if I try to tell a guy that I can't date him, no matter how much I try to be nice, gentle, the more soft I become, the more aggressive they get.

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