Pretending to be happy

In the eyes of my family and friends they thought I was happy? They didn't know that deep inside I was broken. from being failure in love and other things that I thought will change. I can't imagine that being alone is not that easy for other they said its good to be alone coz you can do everything that you like in life. But for me it's different may be because I grow up with a less love from my family. That is why I promise to myself that I will always be happy no matter what I do. But even do I said that to myself still I feel very sad especially when I'm alone in the house. I always ask myself why I can' find happiness? I give everything that I have to the person I love before, but in the end they leave me. Questions that until now I can't find the right answer on it and still hoping that one day I will have it. And trying my best to be happy infront of other people coz I don't want to be a laughingstock on them. I never thought that I would be so lonely until now why life is so hard on me? I'm not saying that I am a perfect person coz all of us are not perfect only God is perfect. All I asked is to have a simple life but on what we have in life. But even that I can't get have in this life. I wonder in my previews life if I was happy or sad? To the point that sometimes I think I am a useless person in this world, but then I think again God will not give me a life if I am a useless person. I know its wrong to questions God plan for me, but all I want is to be happy and enjoy the moment that I have in this life with my partner not pretending as a happy person, but the real happiness no need to pretend. Or is there a chance for me to be happy in the future? Hope and pray that one day I will find it coz when that happen I will be the happiest person in the world. And the love of my life will come in the right time and I will be complete I will not ask for anything in life. In life all we awant is to be happy with someone we love and will love as back the way we love them. may be my time for happiness is not yet ready coz God is preparing me to be strong enough to face and accept for what he has planning for me and that is to wait until the time has come and eventually my happiness will be not just pretending but the real one and that would be I will have also my future partner.

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