The stairs

Xiaomei was sitting on the stairs, shaking like a leaf and looking exhausted. "Hey... what are you doing here, Princess?" I said, bending down and brushing a strand of hair behind her ears to gently gain her attention. She lifted her head quickly, first with excitement at seeing me, and then she seemed to remember that she had planned to be angry and wore her signature pout instead. "Mom and dad were fighting again, so I came here, before remembering that you had canceled," she said, in a bitter tone that years of experience had told me was more sadness than actual anger. I also realized that she must have sat there in the cold for more than two hours, so I would have to coax her gently. "I can tell you are angry with me, but can we go inside and get you warm before you tell me how I can make it up to you?" I said, extending my arms to carry her like I always did when she was tired or sad. She didn't hesitate to put her arms around my neck and jump up, swinging her legs around my waist. Without another word, I walked towards my door, unlocking it and walking inside.

I headed towards the kitchen, where I put her down on the kitchen island and started making her a cup of warm milk. I didn't say anything before I handed her the warm milk, and she had taken a couple of sips. When I could see the tension from the cold disappear, I finally spoke. "Tell me about mom and dad," I said, putting my hand on her lap in comfort. She sighed a little and then took another sip of the milk before talking. "Daddy Tao has gotten worse lately... He comes home drunk at all times of the day, and when he isn't drunk, he is sleeping." She said, with the kind of disappointment reserved for the people you love. "Mom has tried to encourage him, but he just refuses all help, and then they end up yelling at each other out of frustration." Her tone told me the yelling was a regular occurrence, which had been worse on this day and had led her to come here on the one day that I hadn't been home to comfort her.

I couldn't help but sigh too. My dad had lost his job three years before because the company had needed a scapegoat and had apparently decided that my dad was expendable. At first, I had tried helping him to the best of my ability, but when no other company wanted to hire him, he had started drinking, and no matter what I did, it had only gotten worse. I had spent so many nights helping him out of trouble that I had been forced to move out of the dorms, and I had exhausted every available resource, trying to find him a job, only to have him turn them down because they weren't "worthy" of his talents.

"I don't think talking to him will do any good, but I will go talk to Mom Jing soon to find a solution... okay?" I looked at Xiaomei, knowing she had tried to shoulder this all by herself and had waited until it had gotten so bad that it had become physically painful before telling me. She nodded, breathing out as if she trusted me to fix this like I had fixed everything else for her. "And... next time, please don't wait to tell me until it is so bad that you have to sit outside on a cold staircase for hours. You make me really worried when you do something like that." I said in my sternest voice, which was not at all stern, but different enough from the usual gentle tone I used with her that she seemed to understand how serious I was. "Sorry..." she said, looking down at the floor, which made her hair cascade over her face. "I won't worry you like that again," she mumbled through the layers of hair. I smiled at her apologetic tone and reached out a hand to brush her hair away and caress the side of her face as if telling her that it was okay.

"Have you eaten?" I asked in a lighter tone, already heading to the fridge to see what I have. "No..." All the previous frustration and anger had left her, leaving a sweet girl who was resigned to accept all the warmth and care I could provide her with. I took out some eggs and spring onions, holding them up. "I forgot to get groceries... but I can make steamed eggs." I turned to her, giving her a weak smile, hoping that the pout wouldn't return, but to my delight, she immediately flashed me a big smile. "I love your steamed eggs! Please make that!" she said, swinging her legs excitedly. I cracked three eggs into a bowl and poured in the water, broth, and sesame oil before whisking them with the kind of precision honed from years of surviving on only steamed eggs, rice, and noodles.

"So... while I am in your good graces, please tell me how I can redeem myself for canceling movie night?" I said not being one to shy away from taking responsibility, but also preferring her to be in a good mood before I did so, because when she was not, forgiveness did not come cheaply. I had never minded her acting spoiled because I truly enjoyed spoiling her even when she was less reasonable, and I knew that I had been the one to encourage it in the first place. She had also always cared for me in her own way in return and always been able to read me in a way no one else could.

"Oh yeah, I forgot I was being mad about that," she said, and immediately put on a pout again, but this time there was no real force behind it. "You are ridiculous," I said, laughing at her very unserious pout. "Just tell me what you want and stop forcing that pout, Princess." She looked at me, faking offense, but then went right into a thoughtful expression. "Hmmm... I want a whole movie day next weekend. I want all my favorite snacks. Oh! And I get to decide what food we order," She said, surprising me with a perfectly reasonable request. "You've got it, Princess!" I said as I placed the egg mixture in the steamer and started chopping up the spring onion.

We fell into a comfortable silence as I started making the rice, and she quietly tracked my every move while swinging her legs in contentment. She would often just look at me when I was doing very mundane tasks, and I had never minded having her full attention, though I had always wondered why. So after starting the rice cooker, I turned around and leaned against the counter. "Why do you always stare at me like that when I am cooking?" I asked, breaking the short silence. She smiled and seemed to think for a little while. "You always seem so sure of what you are doing and so peaceful... I love seeing you like that," She said matter-of-factly, completely unaware of how much a sentence like that affected me. "I am more levelheaded when you are here... If you weren't, I would probably have spent five minutes just looking into the fridge," I said, earning a small giggle from Xiaomei that made my heart skip a beat. "So you are only perfect when I am around," she concluded, not helping the weakened condition of my heart. "That isn't fair... I also want to know the less-than-perfect you." This was a throwaway comment to her that she seemed to forget the moment I answered it with silence, which was a great relief to me. I had always made sure to be the perfect big brother whom she could depend on at all times. This was a big part of how I kept myself from acting on my feelings, because a perfect big brother doesn't expect anything in return other than his sister's happiness. Knowing that she not only didn't expect perfection but actually wanted to see me when I was less than perfect was dangerous.

I was yanked from the trance I had been in when the rice cooker started playing its little melody signaling it was done, which happened to fit perfectly with the steamed eggs being ready. I carefully lifted the bowl of steamed eggs from the steamer, having on more than one occasion burned myself in the process. I cut into it, pouring on a bit of soy sauce and covering it in spring onions before putting it on the table with two bowls of rice. "Come sit, Princess," I said, before sitting down myself. Xiaomei sat down looking like she had been starved, which was probably true since I had never known her not to be hungry even right after having eaten. As we ate, she told me about how hard her classes were getting now that she was in her fourth semester of university, and I listened with the same special attention I only paid her.

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