The text

I was sitting in my professor's scarcely lit office, staring at the same test results I had been staring at for hours and getting absolutely nowhere. We had the first trial of our experiment that morning, and unfortunately, it had not gone as planned. Neither the professor nor I had any clue what had gone wrong.

It was very important research that I had worked incredibly hard to be a part of ever since my professor had told me about it during my sixth semester. Now I was halfway through my second year of graduate school, so the success of this was no longer important solely out of personal interest, but also for my thesis, which I had written on the backbone of this research.

So here I was, exhausted and with no hope that we would find a solution before much later. I looked up at the old wooden clock that had ticked loudly enough to fill me with dread, given the unfruitful passing of time. It was already five pm, and we had been staring at the data for six hours already, getting no closer to understanding what went wrong. Moreover, it was Friday, which meant movie night with Xiaomei, just like every other Friday for the last couple of years.

Xiaomei was my three-year-younger stepsister, but more importantly, she was the girl I had been in love with, probably from the very first moment I met her when I was just 12 years old. To her, however, I had always simply been her big brother whom she adored more than anything. Because of that, I had never had the heart to tell her that I secretly wished that she would wake up one day and realize that I was the love of her life. Instead, I had spent the last decade caring for her and spoiling her in the role of the perfect older brother. This had made me genuinely happy, and so it had been easier to ignore the kind of heartache that comes from denying yourself the thing you want most for so long.

I looked down at the phone, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, trying to type out a message to Xiaomei to let her know that I wouldn't be able to make it home in time for movie night. I was hesitating, not just because I didn't like disappointing her but also because I missed her and wanted to see her more today of all days. But when I looked over at my professor, seeing the clear stress on his face, I collected myself and texted her a short message letting her know I had to cancel and that I would call when I made it home. Then I put my phone down and went back to look at the test results.

"This makes no sense, Professor... we did everything according to the calculations. Should we try running the calculations again?" I asked, looking to my professor, who tried to shake off the exhaustion and frustration before answering. "Yes... I see no other logical explanation for these results than a mistake in our calculations." He said, got up from his seat, and walked determinedly over to the whiteboard.

For the next four hours, we ran the calculations again and again until we finally found the mistake. A small mistake that had somehow completely skewed the test results and almost had us questioning the whole premise behind the research. We silently wrapped up, too exhausted to really comprehend the grandeur of the moment. "Thanks for the hard work today, Tyanyu. See you on Monday, and do make sure to rest up properly during the weekend," My professor said, as we headed out the main door. "Thank you, Professor Bin, you too," I said, smiling before walking towards my apartment.

It was almost ten and the middle of February so it was dark, and the air was cold, making me walk at a brisk pace. As I walked down Mingde Avenue, I thought about the fact that on any other Friday, I would have been cuddled up on the couch with Xiaomei, watching one of the many romantic movies that she would pick out and that I would pretend to find boring. They were never boring, but they simply reflected the very thing I had denied myself, which made them especially difficult to watch with her. It wasn't as if I hadn't tried loving someone else. I had dated Zihan when I first started university, but after a year of dating, I realized that I was much worse off, forcing myself to try loving someone else, and it didn't feel fair to her to pretend, even if I was good at it. So I had yet again focused on my studies, which in all fairness had delivered great results, and so the motivation to find someone else had dwindled.

As I was lost in my own thoughts, I felt a small raindrop, then another, and grabbed my hoodie and took off running. Just before the rain began to rain truly, I reached the door to my apartment complex. I swung it open and walked up the stairs, feeling relieved because getting soaked would have been the bitter end to a very exhausting day. Instead, I climbed the flights of stairs, only to find Xiaomei sitting on the steps right in front of my door with her arms around her legs and her forehead resting on her knees.

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