Remember me?

Hi it’s me again...... it’s been a couple of weeks I’m doing good..........pretty good. I have been going out, focusing on my hobbies, keeping a healthy diet. I have been trying my best to do everything that can make me feel better.

Okay let’s just be real. I’m not okay I’m just pretending because when they ask you to express your real feelings that doesn’t means your actually feelings but the feelings that they want and expect you to have. Yes I have been hanging out with my friends but have you ever been into a crowded room but still feel lonely like you don’t exist there Yeah, trust me that feeling is the worst. Yes I have been keeping a healthy diet but what is the use of eating when you trough up in the very next moment when your head goes soo hazy and you feel like you’re never going to walk out of that bathroom ever again. Yes I’m being drawing but do you know when people judge that piece of paper so badly that it feels like they are killing you with their words.

One day I gathered up all my courage and decided went to talk to my mother about what is happening to me. And trust me by this day I still regret my decision. Because after everything that I explained.......she replied 'Your dad will be so disappointed in the way you are turning out'.................I kept staring at her........shocked and speechless I can never get those words out of my head.......even. I kept telling myself 'how pathetic you are','what were you expecting when you clearly knew that no matter what say or how much you explain they will never understand' That day i almost wanted to kill my self but I was too sacred for that.

I can take this shit anymore. I feel so heavy right now that it’s not just some tears but a tsunami of emotions that I’m holding on to. I’m not thinking that I am the only person got real problems or like it somewhat makes me special. I know everyone got shits in their life and it’s not easy to handle but they are and those problems are making them stronger and stronger every day But I guess I’m too weak to face my problems. Face all the judgement, criticism, those strange looks, each remark every thing I’m too scared to face it.

It’s like a darkness which is swallowing me each day. I have already stopped worrying about myself because I know that I end up being that one weird *** kid how is always ignored and pushed to the side.

It’s finally new year a whole year has ended, I see everyone happy, enjoying,cherishing each and every moment they spend with their loved ones. I see people changing with time but what about me why am I still the same or should I say I’m becoming worse with every passing year.

I feel like slowly and slowly I’m disappearing from this world, my existence is coming to an end.

Maybe I was never meant to be born ...............

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