The Party

I'm in the kitchen. There's a bowl of chips , slices of strawberry and pineapple pastries, jelly beans, some fried potatoes ,a big vibrant pizza and a lovely chocolate cake with beautiful white roses made out of icing on top. Mom has laid them down neatly on the dining table with a flower pot of fresh lilies in the middle. My stomach growls at the sight, and my mouth waters as I inhale the irresistible scent, but I'm not allowed to eat any of it. My mother has made it pretty clear that I'm not to touch any of the food, until she serves to everyone herself. There's a big joyous tumult outside. It's my farewell party today, but I've no desire to be a part of it. I sit down to a little spot by the fridge to be almost hidden from everybody. I'm tired of throwing of meaningless smiles and thanking everyone for their enormous heartfelt congratulations. They think they are celebrating my unexpected success, but who would've thought it this was an abrupt, impetuous decision to runaway from the biggest predicament of my life.

The spot beside the fridge is almost closed by the wall making the place cold and shady. It makes me feel protected and comfortable. I'm a bit overwhelmed by everything. I rest my head on the wall and close my eyes trying not to think anything. The noises from the living room do not seem to be disturbing, they rather protect my mind from wandering off and recalling painful memories.

My Aunt Amira, she is the loudest, narrating some old anecdotes of my mother and her childhood. How they used to skip schools to go to concerts and the drawer in my mother's childhood room where she used to keep the letters given to her by her admirers. Looks like my mother was quite popular in her teenage years. I've heard similar stories about my father too. Why am I like this? My heart snaps a little. I feel pinching dryness in my throat and my eyes begin to water again, but I can't cry now. It gives an awful headache, also in few minutes I have to go back and join everyone. I cannot hide forever.

After stalling for a few minutes, I finally get up and make my way to the kitchen door, but it swings open and mother come in cheerfully, and behind her come Mikan in a pale blue sundress and her hairs tied into a high ponytail.

"Look Fal, your friend is here" she smiles brightly

I force frozen saliva down my throat. I wasn't expecting her. I still haven't prepared to face anyone from school. But it's just Mikan. I tell myself, but I'm too embarrassed to talk to her. Even her.

"Why don't you girls chit-chat for a while, you can join us later when we bring the cake and have some music on" she smiles and leaves swiftly to the living room. I'm sure whilst she was dropping Mikan here, she must be worried she's missing out on conversations. My mother, she loves having people and parties, especially family get together.

This one is more of a latter as she only invited people close to us.

"Why you like to go to my room?" I ask Mikan timidly.

"Hmm" she says with a gentle nod.

We both walk upstairs in a painfully awkward silence which makes me want to kill myself, but when get to the room and sit on my bed facing each other it gets even worse. Now I miss the stairs. We sit quietly giving each other some uncomfortable smiles, but none of us have the courage to say something. I nervously scratch out the slightly overgrown nail on my finger and accidentally tear off my skin too. A thin film of bright red blood spill out of the corner of my index finger, so I casually wipe it my dress ignoring the pain.

"So, a year in China sounds fun!" Mikan finally breaks the silence.

"Yeah!" I chuckle nervously

"I'm sure you'll have a lot of opportunity to make some amazing new friends" she adds

My heart splits hearing this. Friends? Will I be able to make friends? I've never had many friends. Will I have friends in China? I don't think so. I'm actually scared of the idea. I'm scared of having people around, especially now.

"I just hope everything goes silently and smoothly"

I say with a smile.

"I'm sure it will" she says in an affirmative tone.

"So... what's happening in school" I finally gather the courage to ask.

"Umm....not much really, same old school fest conversations and preparations"

"Are they still talking about me?"

"Umm...yes they are. It's still on everyone's tongue"

"I knew it"

"Kuzon, didn't come to school for two days"

"He didn't!" but I guess it makes sense. I can't believe that learning that I have a crush on him can be so embarrassing that now the most beloved guy don't have it in himself to show his face to anyone

"Maybe it's good that I'm gone" I say sad but relived.

"I guess so, there are things you're better off without knowing"

" I can imagine."

" Trisha must be thrilled" I add after a short pause.

"Over the moon" she says "you know how much she loves drama, and especially targeting you"

"Yeah" I sigh. I imagine her face and all the things she said to me comes back in flashes. My stomach rolls into tight knot.

"She jokes about it all the time" Mikan continues "she acts like you around Kuzon to mess with him. Say the things you wrote on the letter"

"Ohh!" my voice trembles. Now I can realise how cringe that letter was. At the moment I thought I was being honest and vulnerable. I digged my my own grave well enough. I like him. I really do, but I shouldn't have.

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