bird in the cage

when i used to live with family ..i thought living there is like a cage ..have no freedom ..i guess maybe it is ..but no i just dont understand what it is ...that make me not free myself ..feel so suffocating inside ...around with lovable people still not found myself lovable ...feeling of loniess its killing maybe but i love to stay alone more than with anyone ...everytime everywhere ...no matter where you are ...still feel like you are in the cage ...cant do that do this ...but as soon feel i can do anything but that i am so much in fear and scared ...like no this is not me ..i damn again feel in the cage ..even i am far from family ...i just dont know why i am so fuckin like this ...this is so stupid of me not to feel myself free ...people around me just controling me ....i know you wont understand ...at a time i wamt to control by someone but otherside want freedom too ...this is so complicated that i even cant understand of myself what i am ...i try myself to survive every each day ..try to be happy every fkin each day ...gues what still that low esteem and having 0 confidence ...damn what i waiting for ,..a miracle ...that only can happen if take any action ...but i even scared to death to take any action of my self ...i just dont understand why i suddelny attach to someone then tottaly depend of it ...its damn coming to the end i again damn feel myself in the cage ..because i am the one stupid to give them my neck rope to handlle is ike a DOG ...

am finding the problem ..is it my all those emotions which gathered around me at once ..i forget to know what am i feeling right now ..its damn so telling me to go and die ..you useless ..no one need you here ...feel like yeah not enough to be free ..being judge and discriminate by those narrow minded people ..make feel like world is full of cruel people where i am not fit into it ....i need to fight everyday to fit ..i am everydy dying its so painful that cant control ..i am still in the cage ..even i m free ...dying everyday just to survive ...bird the cage

things never change but people can ..be careful ..wish i am emotionless like elena ..haha ..not funny ..its so weird of me ..people are so much afarid of being judge by their love ones ...so do i ..i dont wanna lose love just beacuse of you nothing ...good for nothing ...keep going like that ...i already lose 3 boyfried because am not good enough for them ..damn i most hate myself ...lose own respect in front  parents are worst feeling ever ..i really want to control my mind but me and my mind both are in fight ..mind win ..control over me...i am death inside me ...noone can see inside ..its so stupid of me living in the cage ...run away from people not good idea tho ... coz i found myself in cage again ...you need to fight ..get up agian damn it its feel so suffacting to use that wordof fight ..arnt you tired damn ..i am sick of yyou motivated everyday but still damn you always in the cage ...always.....

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