why...

it's morning already I smiled "today is also going to be wonderful (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)" I woke up did my morning routine went to school but in front of my class I wasn't shaking I thought *don't worry you can do it don't forget today is also going to be wonderful* even so I chuckled bitterly like it was saying 'drop your fantasy ' still I opened my class door and in seconds I was wet.

I shouted "ahhh " my classmate were laughing even my teacher was laughing to instant of scolding my classmate she shouted at me 'why are late go and stand outside and after class clean this whole class'.

what can I say I just nodded and did what she told me everyone were laughing at me no one stand up for me but who I am kidding this world is cruel I have to stand up for myself but I don't have power but I swear one day they will be under my feet that's what I thought but don't know if I will be able to do it or not then I again smiled bitterly.

I was cleaning and there is a girl named Emily she stand in front of me and smirked her was was like 'you are right were you belong ' I didn't said anything I just don't feel like it then her gang also came they started to look at me like garbage.

'then emily said: you truly are were you belong pfff ' I clenched my hand what can possibly do she is role model in our school even teacher praise her she is good in almost everything sometimes I do envy her why I am not like her mostly my thoughts were like why I am not talented like her why I am not beautiful life her why I can't have confidence like her why I can't stand up for myself like her why why why...

'let's go girls I don't feel like seeing garbage ' all laughed and went away I was like who wants you see I do admire her for her talent but her personality it's sucks I finished my cleaning.

"finally now I can go home " I smiled slightly

I am dead tired I don't have any energy to do anything but looks like even god is not on my side my so called classmates spilled dirty water on floor.

'pffff hahahah ' all laughed and went away.

I sighed helplessly and again started cleaning my body is aching I really wanna cry but even my tears are dry now I smiled "don't worry just smile everything is okay nothing happened you can do it ".

"yes good you are doing great" but who am I kidding I put this act on and pretend that everything is okay when I'm dying inside I just want someone whom can hug me I just finished my cleaning I can finally go my whole body is paining I left.

then I finished my part time job with my fake smile even though I was in pain nobody suspect my whole body is just about to collapse but I still put up this smile and finished my work it just a small bakery but still I like to work here my boss is kind not like others I finished my work and left from there.

finally I am home I just collapsed in bed I have nothing to eat I didn't had anything from morning but I am so hungry with little bit of energy I looked in my house if there is something I can eat luckily my boss had given me some bread I was so happy atleast I can eat something.

I ate like hungry beast what can I do my whole salary is for rent and school I am really pathetic.

I laid in bed finally I can put off this fake smile mask "hic.. hic.. hic why why my life is like this" finally I can cry I can complain night was so cold and dark I was shaking but for me it was like it's comforting me like you are not alone we are here for you and like my pillow was saying cry as much as you want I will wipe it for you it was like they all were saying cry as much as you want we will listen quietly all your sobbing.

I cried "why I am alone hic.. why I am lonely why am I not lovable hic... why can't I have childhood like other kids hic.. why my parents leave me hic.. what I did is being girl is my mistake why why why...." I have so many why but not a single answer.

people are afraid of dark but for me it's like peace it's so comforting why cause it never judge me never complain never looked at me like I am trash I never felt like I have to be fake here.

I cry but still it never said my voice is annoying it listen to my every sobbing like a mother.

it was dark and cold but still I smiled bitterly and drifted in my sleep.....

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