to my depression

I'm not depressed or that's what I want to believe I guess .

Common story , I liked this guy , he hinted that he likes me as well , but he'd tell about his past mistakes all the time and I was ready to forgive everything that was in his past,

you know, we girls have this "I can fix him" false belief but he kept going around with other ladies after saying me those things...

I still remember... How unreasonable and unfaithful he sounded.... He said his current girlfriend attempted suicide because he'll leave her ... And he needs to give her company because her family told him to do so ...

I can't believe he thought I'm ignorant enough to be convinced by it ... Still I chose to give him a benefit of doubt.. I thought he needed time ...

And to my surprise after a week or so he said that he's going out of town with another women and the reason was he's addict to women .... I felt pathetic....

I felt like a pushover... and he got the audacity to tell me all that because I had a conservative outlook and I denied any kind of prohibited or forbidden act ...

I stopped talking to him , stopped trying, I just cut him off and he didn't retaliate either but few days back he knew some good news about me and told me to stay strong and stay happy

I felt so disgusted and at the heat of the moment I bashed him badly in response he said "he didn't talk to me all these days cause he thought it's the best for me ,to protect me from him cause he knows he's not the guy I should be with and now he approached me cause I once told him that if he supports me in sth I pass with flying colors , he thought I needed him and he's happy that I don't need anyone anymore" I didn't talk with him afterwards and didn't even reply.

And I don't feel bad for leaving him tbh cause I prioritized my self respect. Right? There's no point of doing the same mistake twice thinking the possibility of what ifs...

But you know since then I feel kind of void hollow , I keep ppl on seen , don't reply much, don't feel like initiating conversations with those who are my well-wishers...it feels like I got lost somewhere... I became so cold and irritable... That's why I don't talk with my family much either cause idk when I'll just blast... I don't know...

I kind of bottled up myself...

I try to keep myself busy ...

someone Once told me " try keeping yourself busy with your studies or side hustles ... Being busy would help you forget those who left you ... It'd help you to stop feeling... You can keep your emotions in check "

Though that certain someone also left ....

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