to my helplessness

Some alliances mean so much to us

We love them with all we had but at some point we start hurting ourselves... Just because we can't let go ...

Funnily we don't hope for our happiness

We just think that "if they move on in life and find love of their life we'll be free ... We won't be indebted to our own feelings anymore..."

How silly

We just think of another escape so that we Don't have move on , do we don't have any face the reality of broken heart...

I don't love you anymore but i still want you to be happy...

...I don't know why......

but at the same time.... We can't endure their departure...

We just can not let go of someone who meant so much to us... For whom we decided to leave our family...

It feels so bad when they leave for real ...

I really loved him ... And leaving him meant leaving all I once loved ... At the same time I had to save myself even if it meant forgetting the life I adored...

I forgot what love felt like...

At least he was someone who would not think twice before giving me his shoulder to lean on ...

At least he was someone who'd ask me what's wrong as soon as he'll see my face ...

At least I never felt lonely with him ...

With him there was happiness ... in midst of all this pain at least there was a few words of happiness...

But my self-respect was more valuable than any romanticism....

For me it was unacceptable for me to let go of my self respect to be with someone...

My aunt used to say "Sometimes it is better to forget the name of those whom once we held close to our hearts "

Now I know how much pain she felt while saying that...

Love always comes at a price ... It gives you heaven but when it leaves, it leaves you empty handed ....

He was the worst guy i ever knew ... Superficial, unreliable , swindler...Infidelity was all i got from him...He was so distant....

But you know? Sometimes only he knew how to make me strong and mentally stable... He knew how to motivate me ...

And he did that this time as well ...

No, he didn't beg for forgiveness...

He just wished me luck when I started my medical journey...

Obviously i didn't respond...

But i wonder what is worse him showing up just when i learned to let ppl go or

Me being cold enough to not even respond...

It's for greater good I guess....

he's the love I will never have in this lifetime and to be honest even if I go back to him I won't be able to trust him... I'll keep doubting his actions... I really pray he's happy wherever he is ... but at the same time I can't forget the trauma I had to go through.....

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