[Log 11-15] A long while

You can skip log 11, it's long and full of nonsense. I warn ya.

[Log 11] Setting out class time

Heya, welcome.

(This is going to be purely rambling, about a very unnecessary stuff.)

Hm, our school gotta make up class because last week was off due to storm, sooo school on Saturday I guess.

There's two extra class (basically pay-class) that I have on Saturday and both of them have to reschedule the time.

And Sunday morning was chosen.

But y'know. I get both of my classes to be on both time where I can go to both without them overlapping each other.

But then one of the girl in Math class goes "but I have English class at 8:30, can we switch the time to 7:00?"

Our English class, which has the same teacher but just different groups.

Well, mine has me, another girl and boy. So our math teacher didn't switch it.

So what did she do?

She asked the English teacher to switch her group to 7:00, and the teacher did.

Because her group was switch, mine is being pushed to 8:30 which would overlap the math class.

So I ask my English teacher to switch it back, she asked if I could ask the math teacher to switch because she only switch for the students.

So I have to go and asked the math teacher to switch, which overlap with her class.

Of course she didn't want it, and said her class (name's A1) can't go to math after I said that it was gonna overlap with mine and 2 other people.

I feel... mad. Of course, she gotta do something for herself but pal, I need the **** class, okay?

But luckily, one of my classmates in the English class speak up and said he, and a couple more people have math class at that time so they can't switch.

And since I was already talking about it with her, and now other can't do it too.

She said she'll shoo the other class, and we ended up lock in on 7:00

So English class done, now math.

So after the time on English class was locked and she.. let's call her T

T can't switch the time anymore, she deleted her previous one which asked the class to be at 8:30 since her English class was at 8:30

And our dear math teacher, who is the one so nice she cooked noodles for me to eat breakfast that I talked about in a previous log.

Asked, "What time are you guy not busy? 7:00 or 8:30? I'm fine with both."

T said 7:00 first, and I said 8:30.

Of course, I gotta message both of the teacher private to well...

first, show how complicate it is for me to get "the other teacher" to switch the time.

Second, "The time I suggest is the best time, you should reallyyy choose it, there's probably no better time." type of message, obviously not directly, but there's hint.

After awhile, finally it locked on 8:30

Oh dear goodness, Im gonna cryyyy.

Still, after everything finally done.

The OTHER members decided to jump in and goes, "can we go at 7:00 too? I have class at 8:30"

My math teacher said T can go at 7:00 alone while the others go at 8:30

Well, they watch me and T arguing by the side to the end and now finally speak tf up? Why tf didn't they said that earlier so I can keep the English class at 8:30? like why?? Why?? Seriously.

I meannn, The English class still probably gotta be switch back cuz there's still other ppl who busy as well.

At least my math teacher still keep the main time at 8:30, love her for it.

It's probably the best outcome that I could get, so I'll take it.

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[Log 12] Sunday Night

Hello, nice to see you again.

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i don't want tomorrow to come. Monday again, and again, and again, and again.

Deadline hovering around yet never fully done. New one always come before I could do the previous one.

Sometimes, I feel the urge to puke everything in my stomach out even though I don't have anything in it.

Sometimes, I looked at the stairs and wonder if I could just throw myself down there and get a few more day off.

... Doing that at the school stairs wouldn't be a good idea, it won't do much on my body besides hurting like hell but no actually seriously injury.

Sometimes, I feel like my voices isn't heard and that people are purposely ignoring me. They did turn when I called their name out loud but ignore and not answering what I asked or said to them.

Instead, they talk or laugh with someone else close by.

I asked first, you know? Can't you show a little basic respect for me?

it the topic I'm talking about boring? is it boredom to you??

.... Good night.

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[Log 13] Deadline

Jeez, I have way too much deadline that I need to do and I just couldn't get it done. UGH.

Fck it, I'm so tired I can't be bother to gaf about ts anymore.

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[Log 14] Song's

Hi, today's just a song. Hopefully.

Come along, down, with us...

You're not alone, you can see.

We children, we have each other... And each other is, all we need.

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If you actually come here to read me vent for fun, here you go.

[Log 15] A Burden Child.

*Scratching some papers...*

... Oh hey, nice seeing you again.

Welcome back I suppose? How's your days lately?

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Mine? I hated it. As always.

My exam results is back, most are above 80% expect for 2 which has 65% and 75%

Still passing grade though, all good. In someone else's eyes.

I've gotten tired of anything and everything around me, Math became dizzy to me and English, which used to be my favorite, I love it with a passion since I was in middle school or elementary? Because I want to enjoy English show, music, comics, novels, games, and other things. I've grown to see it as nothing but opportunity. Opportunity to be noticed, to be great at something than everybody else, something only I know of.

I didn't feel like studying it because I liked it anymore, I need to do it because it meant my personality. My characteristics.

*Sighs*

Well, because I was quite overwhelming. I got distracted from the "real world" and got online way too much lately, which clearly catch my parents attention.

Shouldn't have de-stress that much...

My mother told me to stop doing those things. "Playing games"

"If you were going to watch something, watch the adults stuff. What are people doing now to make money, career choices,..." (Stop.)

"You're in highschool, use your 3 years to prepare and stop playing these things, it'll only make you become a child, Grow up." (Stop it.)

"Me and your father would rather d** early than seeing you locked up playing games." (... just shut up.)

"I have you late." (...is it my fault?)

"My friends are already having grandchildren." (I don't want to have kids.)

"Stop being a child and learn to grow up." (I don't want to.)

"How are you going to live far away from us like this-?" (STOP IT.)

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At first, I thought it was because of my grade, I just need to do better.

But it was more than that.

My lack of social skills, quick thinking, laziness, forgetful, slow, ugly, dumb,... even my height were concerning my parents because I was too short for my age.

I.. can't I just be a child a little more? Even if I'm older, I'm still your child aren't I?

Can I scream loudly and you just mask it as being "kids" and not because "there's something wrong with you"? Please?

I'm still your child. So why. Why...?

Why does your caring so hurtful?

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Notes:

At first, I was planning on writing a note each day to fully capture my emotions change. But I can't be bother so... The notes at the end like this is heavily depending on the last day mood.

... I bet she'll never notice that I was crying.

Adding note at end would ruin the mood while reading, but hey? If not, what's the difference between reading the post and the chapter that I specifically organize? Of course there's a different.

I wish I could tell her that I didn't ask to be her child. I never ask to be born at all. She chose this burden to be her life, she and my father choose to ruin their life together.

Go, d** early for all I care. I'll sell every single things left and use it to travel and take care of animals. After all that left? I'll visit her grave and find somewhere to lay down forever.

*Her: My friend online, who's older than me. No, she's not dead, it's hard to explain, but it's in one of my past post.

Oh, don't be surprise by the change in mood. Sure, the notes and the last log were only minutes sperated but my emotional ride is on another feelings.

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