[Log 16-20] Be nice. Be quite.

[Log 16] A small little girl

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As you walk through the whiteness void around you... You met a girl, a little girl cover in black.

That little girl was very recognize able, her black hair look like it was flowing... in the wind?

There was no wind.

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You tried to talk to her, you want to ask where to go to get out of this void.

But the girl was occupied.

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You look at what she was doing, and she is drawing.

Some very simple doodles, yet you can't make out what are they.

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You keep walking, but you couldn't find a way out.

And eventually, you come back at the little girl spot again.

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After awhile, you compliment the girl drawing. She seems happy.

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You ask when did she start drawing.

"For as long as I'm here." she answer.

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She ask you to stand up and turn around in a circle.

You did. She said "thanks"

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You noticed she was repeating a drawing... is she trying to draw you?

You watch.

You see the pencil going in a single line, but then half way... the pencil start going in random direction. As if the pencil has lost it way.

Everytime it happen, the little girl would start over again.

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Until she complete a drawing of you.

Every spot was cover in black.

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The little girl take out a white paint and draw over it...

A arrow pointing straight ahead.

She smiles at you.

... You thanked her and walk into the direction the arrow was pointing.

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And sure enough, you wake up in your bed.

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[Log 17] What's your favorite color?

Heya, welcome.

How's it going for ya?

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I hope it work out for you.

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Just curious, what's your favorite colors?

And why do you like it?

I guess I get people that like a specific color because it fit them well or because they see it often or they were just.. a have experience with it?

I don't have one though. I truly don't think I have one.

I don't remember what I told people my first favorite color when I was a kid.

But for as long in the past as I can make out, I've told people it's white or black. Now I told people it's both.

I just told them that because well... it's convenient. It just something I said when I don't want to think too hard about it.

I don't actually liked the color, I just find it easy to get like finding a white shirt that look decent on me, which hair tie color should I use, my glasses color, etc...

I choose it because it doesn't take much for the color to look "okay" as it pretty much look decently in most cases. It's efficient.

So when I read stories like...

"She guess my favorite color on the first try."

As they describing the color in texts like... how warm it was, how it look like their love ones laugh...

I feel... envy.

I was envy of how it would feel like to be surrounded in your favorite colors in the world.

How would you feel like if you were surrounded by your favorite colors? Describe it to me in details.

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[Log 18] I'm so tired

Hello... welcome.

Y'know, I didn't December would be my unlucky month.

it's only 4th of December, wanna know what I've been through so far?

My motorbike broke 5 time. Two of them were before the month start, It wasn't working even when I got it fixed for a not so cheap price a day before.

I lost my stuff everywhere.

Money, wasn't much but still enough.

My math homework book, my teachers strict so I'm really scared.

My coat, thankfully I got it back.

I freaking broke someone else motorbike!

I was going home, in the garage.

It was dark, and I accidentally make some else motorbike fall.

It broke the electronic screen, it's still working and can still run but jeez...

It was from a girl that seems like she wasn't from a very well off family... and it was a newly one too.

I tried to think, I was extremely anxious.

I try to offer help, pay for the repair and ask for her phone number. Knowing well it wasn't even my own money and I will get in trouble.

She... let me go though. Didn't even ask me to pay it.

Just said she'll deal with it herself.

At first, she was all like "you're going to pay for this" and also saying she will get in trouble and her family will beat the **** outta her.

Which make me afraid...

I'm glad she let me go though, but I still feel bad....

My motorbike broke again while I was going to tutoring... almost cry.

I couldn't understand the subject that I used to and I got scared. Im scared I'm going to fall behind.

And I left my math homework paper somewhere again. it's supposed to due tomorrow. It's midnight right now.

Gosh, I... I'm overwhelming. I'm so tried, I'm just so tired....

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Tired of reading sooo much angst about a life you don't even know? Don't worry, here come a positive log.

[Log 19] Far away

Heya. How are you?

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..... I hope you're doing alright.

Me? I'm fine.

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It's Friday for me, Friday is probably my most chill day in the whole week, pretty much a break from everything so far.

If it go on for another day or two, I would break down crying in public. I WILL.

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Some of my classmates, or well... friend. I think I got more close to them lately? Still pretty normie compare to bestie but... I'll take it.

Do you all... feel happy when there's two friends both asking you to come with them and jokingly tryna left the other out? Just playful of course.

I do. I feel important.

I laugh at it all lot, although the pulling did kind of hurt but ehhh, no problem.

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My main teacher thinking about switching out seats based on our grade. Which mean I might have a chance to get out of my group(My school usually divide class into 4 group)

Gosh, it sucks thereee. I was planning on asking my teacher to switch to group 1 because there a few classmates in group 1 asking me to join. They even said they would kick someone to group 4 to make space for me. We talked about it yesterday but I was too overwhelming to mention it.

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Also, I just go around 30+ mins after school.

On my motorbike, don't know where I'm going and I don't care.

I used to believe doing something that childish won't help.

I mean, it doesn't help it all but it does a little, I think.

I went to a lot of place, those pictures were just the start of it and I didn't bother to take more pictures.

Look at those cute silly little ducks... and you can't forget... food✨

I'm in a happy mood today. At least my log novel finally have something positive in it.

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Pfft- And it's back...

[Log 20] Myself and I

Heya, welcome again.

After a week with the last post, I think it would make sense that this would be a happy one y'know... like "Ohh, stories of this person getting better" or something. But... oh well.

My entire weekday can be turn into one sentence.

"Gosh I... There's so much to do, so many groups projects, deadlines, homework, I can't do all of this, what if I get a bad grade, no, no, no, no-"

And with a littleeee sobbing.

Trust me, it feel like the end of my life buttt it wasn't.

I wanted some time, I just wanted some time.

Funny things is, when my parents see me working myself almost to death and always going to tutoring non stop without even eating main meals. They're worries. And I feel like it's... genuine.

But the moment I stop and locked myself in my own world, they wasn't happy.

They start speaking. They start talking sh** about me right in my face.

Like oh how they wish I would be more like ___ or how they wish I could be more like this or that and how much they've spoiled me.

Why? Actually. What tf do you want me to do?

Magically get better, magical be IQ smart AND EQ smart? Magically know social and make myself look pretty or maybe look pretty naturely? Magically know how to do everything and will do everything around the house?

I'm a human. I'm a fcking child.

I love my parents when they're quite. Just like they love me if I weren't loud.

And school topics, Well. About the switching seats I talked about in [Log 19] It sucks.

At first, they was 2 girls besides me that were quite. But then they decide to switch because apparently they couldn't see.

And it ended up bring 2 lousy, noisy girls down. I think I've said it but my class divide into 4 group.

And those little b**** got my group minus point on the first day because they were friends with each other and they were so loud.

Like why? Don't you have any self control? Don't you have any shame that you're affecting others? Why are you being noisy? It ain't cool.

Are you just that stupid?

Now, it wouldn't be a me-problem if that point isn't going towards my behave score, which will stay in my papper as a group.

I don't care and don't give a fck if they do it else where or smoke in the their house for god sake.

Don't, affect, me.

You're running it for others.

Just shut your filthy mouth.

Doing it make me look down on you even more as a person.

Be polite, act like a normal person.

You're not a dog, are you? If not, then stop barking so much.

....... oh jeez, I put quite a lot negative emotions into this. It's wayyy too harsh for me a say something like that just because they talk loudly in class.

But honestly, I'm a academy person.

I need to look good at least on term of results and resume.

And I have very bad memories with classmates who talk loudly and never got fixed.

I don't get why there's people who like them, maybe I'm just seeing things differently?

I mean, they're such a shame, inconvenient, lack of care for people around them, doesn't read the room, straight up a clown to be laugh at, etc...

I genuine want them to be put in place. Learn to be polite.

Don't you know how hard it is for people to pay attention to class if they sit next to you?

If you're not going here to study, take your friend somewhere, the casino even. I don't care if you're a lost cause, go bother people else where.

And hey, if you and your friends often talk loudly in class, and I don't mean "loudly" as the teacher asked once or two and you stop.

I mean straight up looking stupid.

If you're that type.

Shut up. Go somewhere else.

Can't?

Then jump off a building. And asked the hospital to sew your mouth up.

Maybe then you'll learn how to be quite.

..... See you on the next post.

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I shouldn't have said or post half the things on [Log 20]. But I don't care.

I've view being like that is "acting like a cow" for a very long time now, maybe even when I was a young kid.

My group sucks, my grade else sucks, homework sucks, literally everything sucks.

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