Ugh… I’m so tired and fed up with this life. I want to kill myself but I can’t because I’m scared and I still owe them too much. Sigh… maybe music and art are the only drugs that truly calm me down whenever I lose control. What is wrong with my mind? Sometimes I want to die but I don’t dare to… hmm, maybe I’m really crazy. A crazy and chaotic mind hiding beneath the cheerful and lively mask of a 17-year-old girl — it’s perfect because it doesn’t show any cracks, but it’s also dangerous. When I open up to someone, I do get a little comfort from them, and I crave that comfort like an addict craving a fix… yet that comfort always feels like pity in my eyes, no matter whether the person is good or bad. Maybe I’m just too guarded, or maybe I really am crazy. It’s strange… I always want to try unusual things, different from others, as if I’m trying to create something completely unique just for myself. Hmm… maybe I should smoke more to relax after such an exhausting day.
