Chapter 1: The Ugly Dream

Trigger warning: Sexual Violence

My first thought of dreaming was that dreams never come true, but what if I can tell you otherwise.

10 years ago.

It was dark then there was a little bit of light and there I saw a naked man standing in a corner of a room I didn't recognize. It was one of my friends. His blond hair waved before his face and when he blow his hair up I saw his blue eyes peering in mine. My heart went crazy. It was like it would come out of my chest. He came closer and tried to kiss me. I tried to push him away, but he was stronger. I was so scared. I was still a virgin at 17 years old and I was not ready to have s**. I tried to scream and yell, but I heard no sound coming over my lips. So nobody could come to my rescue.

When I looked down at my body I felt more scared. I was naked? How could that be? Ik had al pyama on just before I went to bed. Scared, I tried to give him the knee in his middle, but he didn't move an inch. I yelled when he pulled me in something that felt like a bed, but that corner of the room it was to dark to see. Then I felt that he put his d*** inside of me. It hurted so much and I didn't feel the strength to move. I couldn't do anything. His face became a blur and I yelled more. It only hurted and there was nothing fun about it. I was just not ready. He was r***** me and I wanted it to be done. I hoped the torture would be done soon. Ik tried to find strength to push him away put I was just to weak.

Then I heard a sound that didn't come from this world.

What is that? my alarm? I thought

I didn't know where it came from.

Opening my eyes I saw the blue walls of my room. My body was pounting up and down and my sweat was dripping eveywhere of my body. It was like I couldn't breath. I turned around scared that I would be hold back by an arm. Lucky I was that it was not the case. Still it had felt so real and it scared me. I have a boyfriend why would I dream of being r**** by a friend? I didn't want to go out of bed yet. I needed to come and when It felt a bit better In went to my closet and unlocked my grey box and grapped my dream dairy out of it. Ik sat down on my bed and started writing.

While I was writing I felt still shaky and I couldn't believe that one dream could make me so scared.

My dairy was a save place I could feel at ease and we're no eyes could see it.

When I was done writing I hid my diary back in my closet in the big grey box and locked it. That way nobody could read it. Also In had that key always with me, so nobody couldn't unlock the box out of curosity.

I heard a Knock on the door. "Are you a wake?" I heard my moms sleepy voice and she yawned in between the words.

"Yes mom, I am almost ready."

My voice sounding still a little shaky, but my mom didn't pay any attantion to it. Sometimes it seemed she didn't care, but I knew she cared and that she worried way to much.

I showered the evening before, so I just put on a jeans and a T-shirt and a thin blazer. It was september, but not that cold. Still we came closer to autumn. The days would became shorter and also more dark.

Thinking of the dark days brought my thoughts back to the dream.

I felt a cold shiver going through my body. It dragged me back in a dark place and I didn't want to go to school.

I had to, but I felt so scared.

One good thing Is would see my boyfriend back.

I could try to play sick, but my mom would probably see through it.

Seeing the door going open I saw my moms face peecking inside. "Everything ok? You seem a bit fluched."

"Mom don't worry. I am fine. Just had a bad dream that's all."

"You know you can tell me everything right?"

"You don't have to worry. I am fine." I tried to a sure my mom. Still she was doubting my words, but she just let it be.

She left my room and I put my socks on and went next to my room into the bathroom. And brushed my teeth and put my brown hair in a pony tail.

Downstairs my mom was sitting at the table making my lunch.

I felt a bit old for that but then I had to wake up more early. I know I was al bit selfish seeing it that way, but that was sometimes just me. Still I loved my mom and she loved me too.

My dad would never do those things. He was so agressive all the time. I was also a bit scared of him.

My mom gave me my lunch and I thanked her for making my it.

I put it in my bag and said, "Bye mom see you this evening."

It was still dark while driving with my bike to the train station. It was a bit colder then I imagned it would be. While I was driving my dream came back. Suddenly it felt even more cold then before. I had the feeling someone was following me, but that I probably was in my mind. I looked around, but no one was in my direct area where I was standing. When I heard the birds singing their song in the trees the fear ebbed away and I felt more in peace.

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